Zootopia: Dirty Hairy
by Dan Rush
Summary: Fritz Catz is homicide inspector 71 of the Zootopia Police Department. A cop who skirts the bounds of the law to handle the dirty underside of the glitter that is the City of Zootopia. Someone is killing crime connected Mammals and Fritz and his partner must find out who and why before a syndicate war breaks out on the streets.
1. Chapter 1

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 1**

 **Riverside**

 **Savanna Central**

 **4am**

Fritz came into the kitchen and stopped in the midst of looking through the fridge to find the coffee already made and his Middle School daughter sitting at the kitchen table...in only her panties….texting away on her cell phone.

"Hey?" Fritz said as he grabbed a traveling coffee cup from the cupboard. "Two things? First. A bath robe. Second? I hope for your sake that you are talking about school work on that phone?"

Nelly Catz, one of Fritz's three kittens, looked at her father as if clothes didn't matter. "First? You and mom set the example. Second? Yes...I am talking about school Daddy..."

Fritz walked up and snatched the phone from his daughter's paws..."Hey! Privacy!" Nelly yelped. "Daddy give it back!"

Fritz looked at the texts and smiled. "Well….most of it is school. I am pleasantly surprised." Fritz gave Nelly back her phone and pointed to the stairs. "Now? Get back up stairs and put a robe on please?" He then softly scratched her snoot. "And thank you for making coffee. You're such a doll."

Nelly giggled lightly..."Our swim meet is on Saturday? Can you leave work to just be there a little bit?"

Fritz smiled..."A little bit? Do you hate me that much?"

Nelly kissed her father on the nose. "No I don't. You have a good day at work and be safe ok?"

"I always do my best." Fritz replied as he poured his coffee into the travel cup. "Now go get a robe on before your mother comes down and throws a super fit?"

As Nelly ran to the stairs, Fritz walked to the door of his study and typed in his password to unlock the combo lock. He entered the room, went to a wall and pulled the pistol holster from the wall hook then unlocked the gun safe door and pulled out his revolver, two six round speed loaders and a box of bullets. He then turned around and almost tripped over his toddler son who stood cuddling his polar bear stuffee…

"Good morning Spike." Fritz said as he picked up the diapered kitten and bounced him in his arms. "You never seem to sleep in late do you? Why don't you cuddle with mommy because Daddy has to go to work."

Fritz kissed and nuzzled his son then walked up to Nelly. "Put him with your Mother?" Fritz asked as he handed the giggling kitten to his daughter. "I'll be home by four."

"Ok." Nelly replied as she carried her baby brother up the stairs. Fritz took a moment to stand at the front door and go through the same sort of "lucky ritual" he did every day since he took a badge…

Close the eyes, deep breath, patter the foot a few times, tap the door post and say…."My life is wonderful. Keep me and my family safe?" then Fritz walked to his car and blasted "Welcome to the Jungle" by "Chums and Blowholes" as he started driving. For sure...his choice of music would gravely offend his oldest daughter's "geo-political-feminine-safe space-sensitivities" she absolutely did not understand the male need for gut disturbing, heart attack causing scream music.

But before getting to the precinct...Fritz had to stop at the morning water hole called "YOGA-BOOB's" and no….the name had nothing to do with Tantrantic karma – mammalian sex acts involving big breasted Wilder beasts.

5:30am

 **YOGA-BOOB's Coffee and Pastries**

Fritz walked through the door and up to the service counter of the small coffee and pastry shop where a big brown bear was just placing fresh doughnuts in the front glass display case…

(Cameo) Yogi and Boo Boo Bear.

"Good morning Yogi." Fritz said as he looked at the service menu.

"Hey hey….Morning Mister officer of the law...what's your pleasure?" Yogi said as he tucked his cleaning cloth into his apron pocket.

"The number three combo…..and a Frisky Danish." Fritz said as he pulled out his smart phone to scroll through the morning news.

"Right oh. Hey Boob? One Frisky Misky and a number three." Yogi said as he wiggled his fingers at Boo Boo.

"Got it Yogi." Boo Boo answered back.

Fritz looked at Boo Boo then at Yogi. "Yogi? Is Boo Boo your cub?"

"Nah….he was an orphan….you know? A street urchin without a family. Don't worry Fritz, it's all made legal, legal. Teaching him the trade. I pay him good. Don't I pay you good Boo Boo?"

Boo Boo replied. " When he's not whipping me to row faster during lunch hour, "Jah Mule! Jah!"

Fritz looked back down at his phone and didn't mind the weasel that came through the door until he was right up at the service counter and whipped a hand gun from his jacket pocket….

"Hey! You? Bear with the stupid mug! Don't move a paw...this is a stick up!" The weasel snapped as he looked around and regarded Fritz! "You behave too there kitty cat!" Then he turned back to Yogi. "Empty the cash register bear! Now you dumb clucker or I'll scatter your big brains all over the place! NOW!"

"What do you think your doing stupid?" Fritz asked the weasel with a sarcastic sounding, quickly thrown together Italian draw.

"What does it look like I'm doing you stupid pussy?" The weasel snarled.

"I dunno….but you're the one who's two shades short of being mentally retarded here...to say nothing of trying compensate for your extreme lack of a sex organ."

Quickly….Fritz reached under his coat and pulled out a menacing long barreled revolver that looked more like a tank gun than a hand gun and pointed it right at Yogi's head….at least that was from the weasel's point of view. The revolver was actually pointed off away from Yogi.

"How dare you bring that piddley piece of scat you call a freekin gun into a place that owes protection money to the Polar Bear mafia and you just happened to come rob the joint when I came to collect our dues...you spindly, ugly tail lookin, scruffy coated weasel penis with your pathetic pop gun sorry butt scratchin mother cluck." Fritz said! Then he whipped the cannon of a revolver around between the eyes of the now shivering young weasel punk. "And to top it all off? I have not had my coffee and Danish yet because you had to bring your happy tail hide in here lookin for a score. Do you see this gun pointed at your puss? Nod your head yes, you tooth pick shaped premature penis? Go on….nod yes?"

The weasel nodded. Behind the counter….poor Boo Boo was rolling around on the floor laughing and about to pee himself silly.

"See?" Fritz continued. "This is a 44 Magnum you spindy screw bag. This is a Mafia gun, not that pussy excuse for a pop gun that's about the size of your penis. If I pull this trigger right now? You'll be a modern art masterpiece all over that pristine wall behind you and my name happens to be Picasso. And because I have not had my coffee and Danish? I'm gonna call my latest work..."A limp penis atomized Weasel dick." Adios Pretty Boy Ferret!"

"CLICK!"

The poor weasel's eyes turned white and he crashed to the floor with a well forming pool of liquid flowing out from his passed out carcass.

"Boo Boo?" Fritz asked calmly. "Please tell me you did not wet yourself?" The cat asked as he whipped out a pair of police cuffs from his belt ring, flipped the unconscious weasel onto his stomach and slapped them on the weasel's wrists.

"No Fritz! I'm good!" Boo Boo replied as he waved a paw.

"Ok? You're dry, so where in hell is my order? Just because pencil neck here tried to rob the place doesn't give you reason to slack off? Sheesh Yogi? You teaching the cub to be lazy like you?" Fritz snickered as he snatched the weasel by the nape of his neck. "Wake up there yellow snow ball?"

The weasel's eyes fluttered as Fritz showed off his badge in his snoot. "Damn punk. ZPD...you're under arrest. Next time you have a gun moron? Use it so I have an excuse to Darwin your dumb butt out of the gene pool?"

Fritz kept a knee in the weasel's back and read him his rights. "Yogi? Call Benny Clawhauser at HQ and ask him to send a cruiser to pick this punk up?"

Boo Boo came from behind the counter. "Here's the number three and your coffee Fritz."

"Thanks Boob." Fritz replied as he went for his wallet.

"Uh uh…." Yogi said waving a paw. "On the house."

"No." Fritz replied. "Must pay the working bear for his future college education and dowry. Just put that up as a fat tip." Fritz walked out of the shop, started his car and turned the radio dial to "Dall Dorse the Amazing Horse" on ZOO 200FM where a song by the late "Tooth Poc" boomed through the speakers almost making Fritz deaf from the base! He noticed the folded up note from his wife taped to the dash and smiled as he read it….

"Tongue bath tonight…..and you're the victim ; ) XXXXXXXX…..."

Giggling to himself...Fritz stopped at a light and threw a quick text to his wife's phone…

"Gigs…..wet pussy."

The traffic through downtown was just starting to pick up for the morning job stampede as Fritz turned into the ZPD precinct parking area full of incoming shift officers and end shift departures. He caught his night shift counterpart Mike Astrochan (Sumatran Tiger) as he was walking to his own car…

"Beeep! Beeep!" "Mike!" Fritz called out.

"Yo!" The Tiger replied as he waved and walked over to Fritz's car door. "It was a sort of quiet night. Ben has the reports."

"You're going to "Buckies" this week?" Fritz asked.

"I have to ask Tamlin if we're not planning anything that night." Mike replied.

"Well bring her along? No one's going to bite." Fritz said as he pointed. "I have to park before I get left out. See you tonight."

Fritz waved good bye to Mike, parked his car and soon went through the front doors and into the large cavernous space that was the main lobby of Precinct One which was filled with officers in uniforms and plain clothes from elephants to Otters. Of course at the center was the welcoming Kiosk with the ever happy and seriously friendly Sargent Benjamin Clawhauser swaying too and fro to his favorite music….which was always Gazelle. Everyone liked Clawhauser and never think his jocular mood or cheery behavior could be taken as that of a fat slacker. No one dared to insult the big cheetah, a wrong lip could get your snoot punched if you dared make the lovable guy upset. One thing about Ben Clawhauser...he was extremely professional, well organized and supremely dedicated to his place in the department and not a bad word could be said of him.

Fritz walked up with a paw wave.."Morning Benji."

"Hey Fritz! I can't believe someone tried to rob the Yogaboob? What timing!" Benjamin said.

Fritz showed Ben the bag. "Guess what's in the bag?"

"Tons of doughnuts?" Ben replied with a wide smile.

"Oh not for you this early in the morning. You deserve…." Fritz pulled a clear plastic container from the bag…."A leopard custard cream delight."

Ben was overjoyed by the size of the pastry treat specially designed for the feline pallet.

"And?" Fritz said as he reached back into the bag and pulled out a tall coffee. "A cheeta-mocca supreme."

Ben reached over his counter. "COME HERE YOU!" He yelped as he picked Fritz off the floor and snuggle hugged him. After pulling him down, Fritz and Ben exchanged paw slaps and finger signs. "You just KNOW how to tickle my britches in the morning Fritz!"

"Don't tell my wife Benji? She might get super jealous and neuter my tail." Fritz said. "Mike said I have two folders waiting for me?"

"Oh yes." Benjamin replied as he reached behind his counter and pulled up two red folders. "This one? Just have to say…..lemmings."

"Does someone in the universe have a personal vendetta against lemmings?" Fritz asked.

"Oh no." Benjamin replied. "That one is your standard auto fatality. Blown tire on a Rodentia SUV and the poor things were thrown into incoming traffic on the 394 on the scenic strip in Tundra Town."

Fritz stood shaking his head. "Scenic strip. And what was the reason for the Mayor not ordering a separation of the traffic or building rodent tubes through that stretch? The obstructions would take away the aesthetics?"

Benjamin pointed to the second folder. "That one? A hyena and a dingo got into a fight on the "1" near Elm. Dingo thought Hyena was reaching for a wepon so he pulled out a gun and shot the Hyena. The Hyena was unarmed."

"All right." Fritz said as he started to walk away.

"Hey! Don't run off when I'm not done with you yet?" Benjamin yelped as he waved something in his paw. "Backstage passes for your daughter to Gazelle's upcoming event to promote her latest album."

Fritz took the ticket." Thanks Benji. "My younger daughter will go nuts for sure. She loves Gazelle." Fritz walked to the door marked "ZPD HOMICIDE" and went inside, stopping at the secretary's desk where a female fox was already working a stack of reports…

"Morning Saddy" Fritz said as he waved in passing.

"Morning Fritz." Saddy replied. She then waved a paw at him. "Oh Fritz! Hold on!"

Fritz turned around to see a Cheetah sitting by the desk dressed in a black police uniform. "Oh….you must be Officer?"

The young Cheetah stood up. "David Sweet Sir...transfer from Sahara Square traffic division."

Harry regarded the young cat carefully as he thought to himself..."Pressed uniform, squared haircut, good demeanor. Yup...fits his record all right." Harry then gestured. "Follow me David. Or do you like Dave? Sorry I almost passed you up on the way in but I had a crazy start to my morning already."

"David's fine Sir, thank you." David replied with a sound of earnestness in his voice.

"First thing?" Fritz said. "I'm not Sir. You make me sound like a geezer. You can call me Fritz? I have your desk all set up for you."

David followed Fritz to his desk where Fritz pulled his chair out for him. "So I read your record during my day off and I must say you were impressive in the traffic division. You must have loved being a bike cop so what made you want to switch to Homicide Division?"

David played with his thick head tuft..."I was told it's a good thing to have in your record for advancement. That and SWAT. But I chose Homicide partially because I heard it was under-staffed and needed very athletic members and because you're own record spoke for itself. I thought a guy attached to your coat tales would prove beneficial."

Fritz crossed his arms. "That's a very well practiced employment speech or by the tone of your voice David? You're totally ate up and crave some excitement."

"Probably number two on that list. I was curious as to why your nick name is "Dirty Hairy"

Fritz nodded and smirked. "Because at times homicide can be a dirty business and you need mammals who can handle the dirty work and are not afraid to skirt the dividing line….which includes getting sketchy close to over stepping our boundaries. Trust me David….I'm hard on everything….including partners. You better show me you're as real as your record."

David nodded. "I love being a cop. And trust me Fritz? I don't wear down easy."

"I'm liking you already." Fritz replied.

"So?" David asked as he leaned forwards. "Everybody says you pack a howitzer for a weapon?"

Fritz reached into his suit and pulled the 44 Magnum from it's holster.

"Wheeeeewwwwww….." David said as he blew a breath. "Son of a bitch. That thing's half as big as you."

"So's something else but it wouldn't be polite to display it here." Fritz said as he emptied the cylinder and passed the empty Magnum for David to handle it."

"It has weight….how the hell do you handle this thing?" David said as he pointed the revolver to the ceiling. "What's the barrel length? Half a foot?"

"Try eight inches." Fritz replied. "Lots of exercise and bench pressing. Keep in mind that this "Smite and Weasel" fourty four carries more than lethal loads. I can fire high velocity net rounds, trank rounds, traker rounds, flash bang rounds...anything our weapons smiths can design for the fourty four that's non-lethal amo I can use. And no….contrary to all the dumb stories I have not killed fourty four mammals like a crazy cowboy. But I have broken a lot of bones. I use it because it has stopping power. When you might be facing a Tiger or Rhino under the influence of a schedule one botanical like Night Howler or Khat? You want a stop sign that works. Now please take my advice and don't try to copy me and get something super freaky like a 357? Your record shows you are a surgeon with a shot gun so stick with that. A good bird gun is an asset in a two mammal room entry."

Fritz took the revolver back, slapped in a speed load and flipped the cylinder closed. "Oh and another thing? We don't wear uniforms. All our work is done plain clothed so I hope you brought civilian wear?"

David nodded. "I did. A business outfit and a set of street party wear. We do wear combat vests under our clothes?"

"In kevlar we sure trust." Fritz said as he patted his shirt. "You get settled in. I'll brief you on the latest case files and then we'll hit the streets at nine. Keep in mind that we usually get calls more for traffic and non-crime fatality work like deaths from brawls, workplace accidents and mammals who just decided to Darwin from the gene pool but as always? The day is young so anything is possible. Welcome to Zootopia Trash Collection Division."

David replied to Fritz with a desire smirk. "Do I get thick work gloves to manhandle the scum?"

End of Part 1


	2. Chapter 2

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 2**

 **9am**

 **1st Precinct Official Lot**

Fritz signed the auto inspection report sheet for his official car and placed the folder back into the rain protection box while Dave Sweet inspected the twelve gauge shot gun he checked out from the armory before putting it in the holding rack between the seats…

"This thing sounds a little loose." David said as he shook the "Remmingtooth" in his paws.

"You can return it? I'll wait?" Fritz said as he leaned on the hood.

"Oh it's ok." David replied. "I have my side arm too. I don't think the shotgun is too loose that it might fail on us."

The two mammals slipped into the four door unmarked car and soon they were driving through downtown and the usual mid-morning crush of pedestrians and vehicle traffic. Fritz pulled out a "mix strip" USB stick of music, popped it into the computer panel and selected "Peter Sabertooth" from the list.

"Now you're scaring me." David said. "I listen to him too."

"Wow." Fritz replied. "I took you for someone close to my oldest daughter. Kids these days listen to some strange stuff compared to when I was a kitten."

"I love all the old music." David replied. "I would be lost at a rave concert. So? How many kittens do you have?"

"Three." Fritz replied. "My son Spike is the youngest at three. Then there's Chrystal who's seven and then Nelly, my very opinionated and liberated thirteen year old. I'd almost be scared to invite you over the house because she would kill you with looks of envy and slaughter you with her politics. I'm the restrictive, repressive authoritarian patriarch….no honestly….Nelly is a good girl but sometimes she tests me. You don't have kittens?"

David shook his head. "Not yet. I want to have a well established career before I even think of a wife, kits and sand boxes. You married and had them young?"

"Nope." Fritz replied. "Me and the wife were married seven years before we had our first. I was then…..three years into a street beat. How big's your family?"

David pursed his lips. "I'm the only one. Not much to speak about. Mom was knocked up at 13 and I was raised more by my grandparents. My grandfather was a bike cop in Sahara Central which is why I wanted to be a cop out of graduation."

Fritz smiled. "So far? You haven't been a disappointment. Judging by your record."

David glanced at the driver side door pocket and cocked his face in a questioning look…."Fritz? I notice you have mouthwash on your desk and in the car."

Fritz chuckled. "A little secret? I have OCD real bad when it comes to my pearly whites. I hate having Halitosis. You know we cats have serious stink mouth with some of the food we eat? I fear someone being offended by a trash mouth."

"I'm not judging you." David said.

"I know." Fritz said. "It's all good. "Now we do a lot of running through some key parts of Central, Downtown and the Square. Sand Lodge, Hump Street, Sloth Street, Heat Street….locations where we get purse snatching, narcotic pushing, strong arm heists and the occasional drunk brawl, road rage and fist fight. Also have to keep a "spot eye" for prostitution...especially of the under age and vulpine variety. Nothing upsets you more than to see a trunk full of fox kittens marked for sale to be someone's naked neck snuggler."

"Bastards." David snarled. "I pulled one over in Tundra Town. I so wanted to put a round through his fricken skull."

"Easy David." Fritz replied. "Don't spin yourself up this early."

David regarded the "Mouse at Work" song and shook his head. "Oh Cheese its… you are almost a dinosaur."

Fritz snickered back. "Are you striking to be tossed from the car at 50 miles per hour?"

 **10:09am**

The radio cracked..."Inspector Seventy One? Headquarters calling...answer up?" Clawhauser's voice spoke.

Fritz touched the computer screen. "Seventy One up, what do you have Ben?"

"See the officers at the corner of Brent and Akerman in Cactus Grove. Mammal found expired in automobile. Officer Merkhorn is the on scene charge officer." Clawhauser said.

"Seventy one...out. Responding." Fritz hit the siren as David snatched the magnetic "bubble gun" light and slapped it on the car roof!

Fritz reached into his coat pocket on the inside liner and pulled out a white tube that looked like toothpaste. "This is mint for your nose. With the nice warm weather? If the poor mammal's been in that car for a while? It will stink royally."

"Thanks." David said. "Pass the mouthwash?"

"You serious?" Fritz asked.

"First impression is important." David said. Fritz passed him the mouthwash bottle and a cup from the glove compartment…

"I don't like backwash." Fritz said smiling.

 **10:19am**

 **the corner of Brent and Akerman in Cactus Grove.**

 **Sahara Square.**

Fritz parked the car beyond the cordon set up by the on scene ZPD officers. Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps were at each end turning traffic and pedestrians around while officers Merkhorne and Delgato were running yellow tape and tarp over the incident vehicle. From the size, the car was what you'd call an upper/short level vehicle which meant the occupant had been in the marsupial/weasel class of species. Fritz and David walk up to Judy Hopps first to make quick small talk…

"Morning Judy." Fritz said with a paw wave. "This is my new partner David Sweet."

Judy snickered. "I'm so sorry. Where should I send the funeral wreath?'

"Judy?" Fritz huffed. "So what do I have here?"

"You have a mess." Judy replied. "I peaked inside and almost upchucked my morning carrots it was horrific."

David followed Fritz as he walked towards John Merkhorn, the big gray African Rhino who was slowly moving around the car after he'd adjusted the tarp on it for any evidence on the ground…

"Officer Merkhorn? What do we have?" Fritz asked. "David Sweet my new partner from Tundra Bike."

Merkhorn stretched out his big hand and fist bumped David. "What we got here "Dirty" is a soup sandwitch. Hopps and Wilde were the one's who stopped to look in the car because of how it was parked? He was…..something…..."

Fritz took out a pair of rubber gloves and peaked under the tarp. Whatever the mammal "was" once? He was now a half eaten mess...the lower half that is...and to make it even more sick? His "package" was missing?

"Wow?" Fritz said as he backed from the car door. "Some "Tute" wasn't exactly satisfied with the customer? The plates?" Fritz asked about the car's license plates.

"Fakes." Merkhorn replied. "Not in the system, which means this was a "push cart" for dopers. We found no smacks in the car….yet. Gary and Larry at Narco were called."

"Good." Fritz replied as he looked under the tarp again. "Who ever did this not only took the poor guy's junk but his tail too. We'll have to run DNA and match the database."

David came up to the car, after wandering away, with something wrapped in a small plastic bag. "No we don't. Obviously in taking his wallet? This dropped out. Because the poor guy was killed at night on a street with almost no lamp posts? The killer didn't see this fall out."

Fritz nodded his head impressed. "Well you are a steel eyed missile mammal!"

"I'm a cheetah. We have excellent eye skills." David replied proudly as he tapped his furry head.

Fritz and Merkhorn studied the card. "Expired driver's license. Christiano Machi….was a ferret." Merkhorn said as he looked at the car.

Fritz pulled out his smart phone then patted David on the shoulder. "Go get the digi-cam from the car and start taking pictures before we go through the inside."

"Got it." David replied as Fritz tapped the phone.

"Prink One? This is Inspector Seventy One on the scene of the homicide at the corner of Brent and Akerman in Cactus Grove. Have preliminary identification on the deceased, I need a background sent to my phone if one pops up Benji."

"Name?" Clawhauser replied.

" Christiano Machi. Species Ferret. Expired drivers license says he was brown and black fur with a blonde tuft. Age 22. The plates are fakes of course." Fritz walked around the car looking at the ground..."You've been looking around John?"

Markhord replied. "Only around the immediate vicinity of the car."

David walked up to Merkhorn and pointed to the car. "Can you take up the tarp so I can get some pictures?"

Fritz walked carefully around the front of the two warehouse buildings where the car was parked in front off and regarded the dirt and weed ground surfaces carefully. He turned to where Nick Wilde was standing and called him to come over..."

"Nick? I need a second set of eyes to scan around here. I don't see any footprints but my partner picked up a dropped drivers license from the deceased in that alley between the buildings."

Nick got down on all fours and slowly scanned the ground with his eyes and took just enough scents into his nose without disturbing the ground which might hold potential evidence. He stopped short of the alley and shook his head….

"Nothing Fritz. I smell nothing." Nick said as he stood up. "Possible the killer was a winged marsupial. Flying foxes are big enough to do some damage?"

Fritz pointed to the car. "Could a flying fox eat half a poor Ferret and mess him up the way that one was done?"

"That's….a good point." Nick said as he shrugged. "I honestly have no idea what it could have been. Between the two buildings is this messed up wooden fence. A rodent could have scaled it but….rodents don't eat Ferrets and probably wouldn't survive an encounter. A mammal like a fox or larger would have had a bad time trying to walk on it...probably fall over and bust their tail bones. As for birds? Terradacht-types are extinct and birds wouldn't bother with the fence. Probably the killer had….balloons tied to his butt."

"Your creative deductive reasoning is astounding Nick." Fritz said sarcastically.

"Well come one mister homicide inspector, you're the one with the training for deduction, I'm just a monkey on a beat ok? Now why the hell did I compare myself to a monkey...see what you did Fritz? You made me insult my tail." Nick tucked his tail under his legs and talked to it like he just mouth whipped his girl friend...which made David take notice as he took pictures of the car…

"HEY! GET A ROOM YOU TWO! I swear you foxes and your tails, so emo-lee gay way."

"Hey! Conversation A and B so butt out there C-wad!" Nick snapped back.

Fritz walked back to the victims car and stopped when his phone chime went off and he got the file message from Clawhauser. "David? I have the background on Machi."

Fritz popped the stand behind his phone and put it on the car roof for him and David to look at together….

"Five priors for narcotics transport." David said as he brushed a paw over the screen. "Known mid level dealer for the Winter Hill gang. Now why the hell would you name your gang "Winter Hill" In Sahara Central? Why not "Sand Village" or "Sand people" or something close to geographically correct?"

"Catharsis causer." Fritz snickered. "Ok….so John Q Machi here decided to get himself some tail and ends up getting mauled by the "toot". Well make sure in this case that we can't find any other causes such as a contract hit and process this as a funny boy looking for some strange who got his strange stolen and his entrails digested."

David shook his head. "Sir? That wasn't very professional."

"I'm not in this line of work to obtain style points." Fritz said. "Get the Mint under your snoot and let's sweep the inside for more clues."

 **11:45am**

 **Sahara Square**

The sound of "Carnivore Love" from "Two Hump Shagerrr" filled the car as David finished the basic report on the homicide and sent it by e-mail to the main office. "Sent." David said as he watched the file transfer then closed the cover of his small department tablet. "Can you imagine the old days? How slow things were twenty years ago to get reports processed?"

"I am that old you young cuss." Fritz said smirking. "How about lunch? I know a restaurant not far from here that makes excellent feline based salad. I'll spot for you."

"You don't have to do that Fritz!" David replied. "I should spot you since you gave me the opportunity to come to homicide to begin with."

Suddenly the radio cracked from Headquarters. "Inspector Seventy One? Headquarters calling...answer up?" Clawhauser's voice spoke.

"Headquarters this is seventy one answering up? What you got Benny?" Fritz replied.

"See officers on the scene at 182 Dune Ave in Baobob Sahara Central. Description matches the same scene you just left. One scene officer is Officer Wolford."

David slapped the "Bubble gum" light on the car as Fritz whipped a 180 and hit the siren! "So much for one hit wonders." Fritz snorted as they raced for Sahara Central.

 **12:13pm**

 **182 Dune Ave in Baobob district, Sahara Central.**

Fritz and David slipped from their car and met Officer Wolford (Timber Wolf) at the door to the apartment building at 182 Dune Ave.

"We just came from a stiff in Sahara Square and Benji said this matches that homicide. What do we got?" Fritz asked.

"Benji didn't give you the whole story then. Yeah some of it matches that but this is a freak show. We have four victims and that's all I can say. This makes Michael-angel-sloth's magnificent David the Lion King a Clawmark Special price wise."

Wolford led David and Fritz to the room door. "Hope you got strong stomachs?" He said as he opened the door to a horror show…

David's maw dropped…."Holy….Frack and shat."

Fritz slowly entered the room and looked at the various victims...all big March hares and all of them frozen in horrid last moments of death…

"The uh….proprietor said he heard screaming then gun shots and then nothing. It happened quick and brutal. He didn't dare come up to see what was happening because of the shooting. From what I gather? These "Hop a long cas-a-dees" were having themselves a sex romp and it turned into a sex stomp."

Fritz turned his head away from one of the deceased. He still had his gun in his hand but it probably never got used...the trauma of your tale hole being suddenly stretched and torn on the bulb of a bed post probably killed the hare outright.

Another was obviously the first intended victim. His body from chest down was gone. Another had his brains painted over a wall where he fell. Another one hung from the ceiling fan with his privates ripped off. As expected….all the wallets were gone…

David patted Fritz back. "I'm….going to go walking like the last time before we process the scene"

Fritz caught David by an arm. "If you do? Go to the car, pull the shot gun and load lethal rounds. Take it with you?"

"Ok." David replied smartly as he walked out of the room. Fritz then put on rubber gloves and took pictures of places he had to disturb with his cell phone camera. He found a few small baggies torn up here and there indicating the hare's were high as a kite. One bag still had the scent of Midnicampum holicithias plant, the dreaded "Knight Howler" which had gained a reputation for being a sex hype agent as well as one that brought on savageness syndrome.

Fritz bent down before the remains of the first poor sap, mister "half and half breakfast nook" and carefully looked over the end of his carcass. "No predator cat or canine did this." Fritz said to wolford.

"Wild dogs can do it." Wolford said with a snarl. "Wild dogs have no table manors at all."

"There's no evidence of the ripping and tearing you'd get from teeth." Fritz said as he reached into his process kit and pulled out a swab and bag collection kit. "I'll take samples of the end here and see what DNA can pull up. I'll tell you right now? If this is a "toot" (prostitute) he or she is swift as lightning and limber as all get out. She or he slaughtered these guys before they got past two shots on their pistols. And she or he probably managed to use their own guns against them."

David returned from his walk with the shotgun slung behind his back. "Nothing from just the rough sketch around the building."

Fritz pointed. "David? Pick up the head of "bunny on a stick" here so I can send his mug to Benny?"

"Wow….you don't have any respect for the dead do you?" David replied as he carefully lifted the head of the brutally sodomized rabbit.

"They were all up here to have a sexual freak show and got themselves cancel stamped from life. We're not talking about a bunch of executives from "Microsloth" here Dave." Fritz took the pictures and sent them from his phone. "Go get the big case from the trunk and let's get to work. We'll probably have to run back to HQ to restock after this is processed."

Wolford stood resting against the edge of the door jam entry into the apartment. "So you probably think this is going to be tied to the other one you looked at earlier?"

Fritz walked back over to "Bunny on a stick" and lifted up his paw to show off a ring. "The Playboy Bunnies" of Central. Want to be a whole crop of soldiers just got Darwin'd? Their Chief rabbit Woundwart is not going to be a happy Don," Fritz snorted. "Dave? Get the rest of their faces on camera and forward them." Fritz told David as he walked out of the apartment.

"STOP! POLICE! STOP OR I'LL SHOOT!" Came a scream from the stairs down the hallway as a small group of rabbits came tearing from the door to the stair case and came running towards the crime scene room. Fritz pulled his magnum and made sure they stopped as he aimed the cannon right in the face of the obvious leader….

(Camio) Bugs Bunny, Lieutenant to "Woundwart" (Watership Down) the Don of the Playboy Bunnies crime syndicate in Sahara Central.

"Bugs? When the police tell you to stop? Make sure you fricken stop?" Fritz snarled.

Bugs pulled a carrot from his pants pocket and started gnawing on it…."Look "ear" you pussy foot….and I'm exaggerating the pussy for a reason."

The punk hares behind bugs all snickered.

"We heard some of our bro's were taken out and we got a right to pay our respects." Bugs demanded.

"Well…." Fritz snorted back. "How courteous and concerning of you to want to dignify your fellow cotton tailed dirt bag associates who were probably having a homosexual rampage and pissed off their cotton tailed drag queen. Wonder what the Don will do when that expos-say is plastered all over the newspapers? Not that it doesn't make a difference since all you degenerate disgraces to bunnies everywhere wouldn't give any dignity to an easter egg cart at a gay fur celebration. Now if I were you Bugs? I would turn around and go back home before I split your hairs in half. And guess what? This isn't cartoon land you stupid fuck nut. When I pull this trigger? Death is a permanent asurity and you won't be laughing."

Bugs frowned at Fritz. "One day "Hairy" you'll be in the wrong place at the wrong time…."

"Shut up and get to hopping. I'm starting to have trigger twitch." Fritz said as he tightened on his grip. David walked past the disgruntled rabbits as Fritz put the cannon back into the holster.

"Your diplomacy sucks." David said smirking.

"Shut up and get to work before I dock your pay?" Fritz replied as he followed David back to the room. "Something tells me? This is just the start of our fun."

End of part 2


	3. Chapter 3

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 3**

 **Chief Bogo's Office**

 **8pm**

Situation meeting with Chief Bogo. City counsel representative Urgo (Ram) and Secretary to the mayor Justin Nimh (Hero rat from Secret of Nimh)

Chief Bogo groaned as he looked at the city map with big pin markers at the murder sites, now grown to five pins since the first found that morning. Three were found in cars, One group in an apartment, the latest in what the ZPD nick named "A cooking store" the euphemism for a Night Howler liquid shooter producer; A "cook" (Sheep) and three Weasels of the "Three Roses Syndicate" in the downtown district were found sans top and bottom body parts. The "MO" was all the same...a sexual encounter turned a bloody mess involving low or mid level functionaries for various street gangs or members of Syndicates like the "Play Boy bunnies" or the "Winter Hill gang".

"Her honor asked me to sit on this meeting because….even for a Leopard… she finds her constitution a bit sub-par after reading the e-mail you sent her Chief." Justin said as he sat on the edge of Bogo's desk. "Talk about a butcher's fair."

Representative Urgo remarked. "Let's not avoid the obvious that no one would be particularly crying over spilled milk considering these "victims" were all sour and over their expiration dates to start with."

Bogo snorted. "Might I remind the esteemed representative that crime is crime and murder is murder no matter who's involved. You never know when our subject just might decide to switch appetites from a hoodlum to something closer to home say a little lamb on her way to school?"

"I was just stating a fact." Urgo replied. "I can understand her honor's concern that this could blossom into something more horrific. So what do we know so far from our homicide division?"

Fritz stood by David and cleared his throat after spraying it with a breath freshener mist..."Well our suspect..."

"Mammal of interest, Inspector." Justin said with a finger wave. "We do not have a charge yet."

Fritz gave the rat a regarded look of annoyance. "Our "Mammal of Interest" strikes the victim and victims at their most vulnerable, when their guard is down and they're occupied with raging hard ons."

"Inspector!" Justin yelped. "Would you please restrict the vulgarities? This is an official meeting?"

"Mister representative?" Fritz replied. "I didn't know it became taboo to speak on facts that are the basis of this case? The aforementioned mammals were engaged in acts of copulation when they were murdered. And it is "Murdered" not "killed" since they too weren't charged with any criminal behavior that we know of, other than entertaining a whore who "de-balled" several of these citizens of our fair city."

David was about to laugh his tail off and quickly excused himself to go outside. However the door didn't block out the obvious chuckling and wall smacking…

"Now if I may continue with our progress to this point in time?" Fritz asked calmly...though inside he wanted to wring the brown nosing staffer's neck. "We've turned all our DNA evidence over to Agent Samaliel at the ZBI (Zootopia Bureau of Investigation) crime lab since those mammals will give us a faster response time. What we do know of the "Mammal of interest" is that he or she is very fast, very limber and an expert killer. He or she might be getting around using the transit system as we have found no evidence of a vehicle powered or otherwise. We also know he or she is not a canid, a Lupid, a feline nor any animal who consumed the upper or lower or genitalia of some of the victims. We're waiting for the ZBI to send us back results from our samples."

Urgo raised a hand. "Do you have any tentative theories about these killings Inspector?"

"We have three theories we're pursuing at present." Fritz replied. "Theory one is that we're dealing with a strait up serial killer. Theory two is a contract killer working for one syndicate entity. Theory three is a contract killer working multiple syndicates and playing off them all for ever increasing self-benefits. All of these theories? They basically suck for our bottom line the longer the "Mammal of interest" walks."

Justin waved a paw..."What are your intentions to investigate and deal with this "Mammal of Interest"? The Mayor will want to know of course?"

"How we at the Department always do our job Mister Representative." Fritz replied. His sarcastic look hid how he wanted to punch the little bureaucrat in the snoot. Fritz knew well what was coming next…

"You mean "always" as in your own professional acumen Inspector?" Justin said with a look of disdain. "Her honor received a very disturbing report this morning from a group of concerned citizens."

"Just say "Cop Watch" mister representative so we have proper context here? You don't have to beat the bush with a limp noodle." Fritz gave a small snort.

The rat nodded. "Yes…."Cop Watch"...They received a phone call from the suspect you apprehended at the coffee and pastry establishment…

"YogiBoob" Mister representative? Have we now added our fear of saying things to established businesses as well?" Fritz snorted.

"Fritz?" Chief Bogo injected. Fritz quickly threw a paw up.

"Chief? The honorable representative of her honor has concerns? By all means address them Sir? What complaints has "Cop Watch" filed this time? That the poor weasel suffered undo trauma from peeing in his diaper?"

"How about pulling your over-sized artillery piece on a civilian?" Justin exclaimed.

"I did not "pull my gun" on Mister Yogi." Fritz replied calmly. "From the view of the suspect it looked like I did but Mister Yogi will testify that my gun was pointed well to the right of his head."

"You identified yourself as a hit man for the Polar Bear Mafia to the suspect, not a police officer." Justin snapped. "Are you aware Inspector that there is a regulation specifically stating that unless you are engaged in a sanctioned sting operation? You can not state your identity to suspects other than that of a police officer?"

Fritz gritted his teeth against wanting to kick the little rat to the moon. "Wow… tell me Sir? Is there a regulation against a suspect walking into a coffee shop assumed to be a customer only to identify himself within a split second as a dumb ass trying to rob same establishment?"

"You threatened to blow the suspect's brains all over a wall. Your actions placed the proprietor, his employee and others in grave danger..." Justin snapped.

Fritz could have jumped up and chucked the rat out the window except this wasn't the first time he got an ass chewing from some mammal who probably had three college degrees in "home ee-coe", "basket weaving" and "safe space creation". He allowed Justin to finish his chalk board scraping annoyances and then stood up….

"Chief Bogo? Excuse me." Fritz said with a slight bow to the Chief before turning to the rat and putting his paws calmly into his pockets. "Sigh….now...I know I will probably be accused of using a movie reference and I'm sorry ahead of time to Jack Nickle-sloth and the fine Mammals who created "A few Good Shrews" but to phrase Colonel Nathan R Jes-pup..."

"Mister Representative? Have you ever carried a gun?" Fritz asked calmly.

"No I have not." Justin replied.

"Ever had to kick down a door to make an arrest?" Fritz asked calmly.

"No." Justin replied.

"I see…." Fritz replied. "Have you ever had to deal with a little weasel dick stupid tail hole wipe who walked into a business with intent to rob it with a little pop gun that wouldn't have done much more than pissed off a Grizzly bear ten times the size of aforementioned little dick face?"

"Inspector?" Justin warned.

"Shut up paper pusher. I'm not finished." Fritz snapped with a finger raised.

"So our aforementioned idiot decides he's going to take on mister Yogi thinking he's got the upper hand with his little pea shooter of an artificial penis. At best he gets off one maybe two shots before Yogi bounds the counter and brings down the wrath of his half a ton worth of teeth and claws and rips the poor sap to shreds. But then there's the more likely option that Mister Yogi...who's been robbed many times before in the past...pulls out his 9 millimeter licensed pistol and empties all ten rounds because he's full of bear piss and rage. Now lets say out of the whole clip he just wasted, seven rounds pass by mister stupid punk and go through the big store window? Maybe they don't hit anything? Maybe by dumb luck they hit the school bus stop across the street? Maybe they kill one two or three cubs and kits? Then what do you have for all your whining and bitching there mister butt hurt snow flake?" Fritz snapped. "I'll tell you what? You have dead cubs and kits, a dead scumbag and Mister Yogi facing three counts of homicide."

Justin went silent…..

"Yeah...you politicians can sit all day in your offices and conjure up stupid crap to tie my fricken paws and give every advantage you can to some dumb tail hole who saw no better options in his life except a gun and measly store heist. Well let me tell you something mister butt hurt college rodent from posh Rodentio Drive in Rodentia. If any trick I use gets a little dumb asses attention on me that it might save both his life and the lives of innocent bystanders….you're damn right I'll use it because Mister pencil pusher? It's my damn skin that will take the first bullet and my damn responsibility. So do us all a favor you stupid fuck nut? Take my damn badge and pin it on your trophy wall so I don't have to bother with you or your fantasy of a squeaky clean city because when I'm gone? You won't have squeaky clean….you'll have a pile of rancid rat turd and a lot more dead mammals to peal off the pavement."

Fritz slapped his badge on the desk before Justin. "Here….you wear it you pussy ass butt hurt political snow flake….FUCK YOU!"

Fritz turned to walk out the door….

"Inspector Catz?" Justin sounded as Fritz placed his paw on the door knob. "Perhaps…..Perhaps I…..spoke too much before choosing better words? I was merely trying to convey the Mayor's concern that….well…..allow me to clarify that...you express a point from a view which, as you are correct in pointing out, the staff at City Hall don't see often enough. Perhaps we should push for our members to do "ride a longs" and spend more time with our officers in mammal to mammal contact than looking at papers and not taking due time to examine every complaint with more…."

Fritz turned around…."Sigh….Mister representative? I have been a cop now for almost twenty years and frankly? You people in the hall have been way overdue for any sort of ride. We on the force know there will always be mammals that don't like us, it's nothing new but please in all fairness? Stop stabbing our backs to make yourselves look good with some crybaby voter block or you might not have a police force. Chief Bogo here is the finest lead cop you'll ever have and if former mayor Lionheart had put his faith in him instead of trying to hide a threat to the city from him? He'd still be mayor. Don't let "her honor" make the same stupid mistake. Help us do our job, not hinder it."

Fritz took his badge back. "Sorry for being curse and blunt. I'm an old pussy and I don't mellow with age."

Justin and Urgo left without another word and Chief Bogo slowly closed his door….which was the usual sign that an explosive ass chewing was about to commence….

"Do…..do I need to leave?" David asked the Chief as the big Cape Buffalo walked to his desk.

"No...I need a witness to the execution." Chief Bogo said as he sat down and looked up at the ceiling…. "Right now? I don't know if I should kiss you or… gore you to death for that performance Catz.

Fritz dropped his pants and patted his behind. "Ramn it well Chief."

"PULL YOUR PANTS UP YOU SICK FELINE!" Bogo yelled. "MY… ugh….why is it that every time we have one of these little sessions with the hall? You have to go off with a crazy performance which by midnight tonight I will most certainly have to suffer through the screeching sound of her honor as she sinks her teeth into my hide? Why Fritz?"

"Because Chief?" Fritz replied. "I am the chaff who keeps you looking stellar and the ZPD the model of efficiency and professionalism. Call me a comparison stick the good mammals of our fair city drift towards when they need to see a villain to make a comparison with? Chief Bogo….ever shinning like a brand new Penny. Inspector "Dirty Hairy" Catz….bonfire bait, renegade, out of control scum. Compared to our wonderful ZPD? Fritz Catz is the devil incarnate. The ZPD should be showered in gifts and praise from the good mammals everywhere but that Inspector Catz? No….Lynching is just to kind for that feline bastard."

Chief Bogo lowered his face into his hand and winced…."Fritz?"

"Yes Chief?" Fritz replied smiling.

"Just promise me you won't blow up the city and steal the mayors panties off her drying line? And please? What ever you do? Keep it within the boundaries of the law so we don't lose evidence because of legal ninjutsu by a defense attorney? At least give me that little bit of assurance Fritz?"

"I can assure you that you won't see gangs shooting up our streets...that I think is a more important goal to aspire to….don't you agree chief?" Fritz said as he bumped David and they walked towards the office door. "And yes...You have nothing to worry about keeping within the legal boundaries...or sending a cop to guard "Her honor's" giant bloomers. You need to take that aspirin now Chief before your brain explodes out your horned head." Fritz waved before he walked out closing the door. "Just know I love you Chief?"

"The feeling is not mutual right now." Chief Bogo replied. "Then again with you? I don't care."

David stood blowing air as Fritz turned from the office door. "That was..."

"Yeah….I know." Fritz replied. "Well since we have some time off right now? How do you feel about a small glass of beer?"

David replied. "That sounds good after what just happened. I suspect we're going to need an early start tomorrow?" David asked.

"If you feel compelled to stay close to headquarters depending on your distance? You can come home and crash at my house? I do have a furnished guest room?" Fritz offered.

"That sounds good to me." David replied.

 **9:40pm**

 **Jah Dah's Bar n Grill**

 **Downtown**

A slow song played from the old coin juke box of the small hole in the wall bar as fritz and David sat sipping from small glasses of "Feather Buzz" Beer and eating from a plate of "Frisky Fries"…

"What did the chief mean by losing a case thanks to a skilled defense attorney?" David asked. "Did that happen?"

Fritz wasn't slow in answering "Yes it did. I almost lost my job over it too." Fritz swished the beer in his glass..."I beat the snot out of a suspect. Ever heard of the Acacia Street Peddler?"

"No." David replied. "You're going to tell me he was a total scumbag."

"She..." Fritz replied. "She was a total scumbag."

Fritz sat back in his seat…."Cruel Lella the Hyena. She dabbled in vixen trading...young vixens. A friend of mine from the Burrough's named Br'er called me some time back that his daughter ran off for the city and he begged me to find her. Cruel Lella found her first."

"We busted her of course and in the process of going through her belongings we found photo albums….disgusting photo albums of Vixens being used and abused. Br'er's daughter was in one of the albums. I lost my mind and beat the snot out of that bitch to find out where Br'er's daughter was but...too late for her."

"Cruel Lella walked...I almost lost my job….Br'er buried his daughter." Fritz reached for the plate of food and nibbled silently as David blew from his mouth…

"So what ever happened to Cruel Lella?" David asked.

"The bitch fell of a building during a pursuit." Fritz replied.

"You didn't?" David asked.

"No." Fritz replied. "She fell off a building. She ran into Little Rodetia, tried to jump a block of buildings, got her foot caught on a clothes line on the roof of a rodent thirty story, flopped over and "snap"…..broke her neck. The description was fricken hilarious. A little twisted form of justice but Darwin sometimes works in mysterious ways." Fritz look at his watch. "It's getting late and we're only going be able to snag a cat nap before we have to hit the street again. Our "Mammal of Interest."…

"Suspect." David replied.

"Mammal of Interest." Fritz sarcastically replied. "Our…...lady or gentleman caller of crime has about seven hours of darkness to add to their score so we need to get cracking before dawn to shake down a cause. You and I are going to pay the Playboys a visit." Fritz said as he threw down a few Zootopian silver dollars on the table.

End of part 3


	4. Chapter 4

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 4**

 **Riverside**

 **Savanna Central**

 **Day two**

Fritz shook David as he lay sleeping on the futon mat on the floor of the guest room and to his surprise...Fritz's little son had decided a cheetah made a better stuffed snuggler than his teddy bear….

"Well? Didn't see this coming." David said as he sat up. "What time is it Fritz?" The cheetah asked as he shook himself awake, took a cup of coffee Fritz held out and carefully tucked spike under the blankets.

"Three thirty." Fritz answered. "Oh...and here's a text from last night by our night shift partners."

"Fritz…...Mike. Three more last night and one we so far believe was a retaliation "whacking". Some one finally got sick and tired of Bugs and his clowning around. Photos included. Shocker twist….the second one we came too has no crime connections, obviously a cheating "John" who needed a "quickie" and got it pretty quick indeed."

David carried Fritz's smart phone into the kitchen as he followed and scanned through the crime photos. "Fritz? Is this phone secure?"

"It's Department property." Fritz replied. "I think our "suspect" slipped up and killed the wrong mammal."

"You sure she or he didn't kill Bugs Bunny?" David asked as he showed the picture of Bugs lying in an alley.

"Zoom in on his neck and you'll notice the cutting marks of the wire garrote they used." Fritz pointed out. "They also shot black spray paint down his throat and all inside his mouth. To top it off? They cut off his left foot for a trophy. A Lucky rabbits foot...which is common when the Winter Hill Gang whacks a rabbit. Guess the gang war is going hot which means we need to prove one of our theories and quick."

Fritz waved a hand. "Help yourself to cereal, kibbles, whatever you like. We have to eat and run." Fritz said as he walked to his study, opened the door and went inside to get his gun and amo. Fritz followed him just to look…

Nice "Cat Cave" he said as he looked at the walls full of book cases, photos and awards. One particular picture caught his eye….

"Who's the Malinois?" David asked as he pointed to the picture of a Belgian dog in a police tactical equipment suit.

"That was Yani. My first partner in Homicide. Actually my buddy since we went through the academy. Talk about physicality and bravery? Yani was a loyal work-a-holic, we solved a record fifty cases in one department quarter alone with that guy."

David thought for a moment. "He died….didn't he?"

"Worked himself to death." Fritz sighed. "Massive heart attack chasing a suspect. We found he'd hand cuffed the bastard before he passed out. Not exactly your typical field expiration for a police officer. I still miss him."

David followed Fritz out of the room and through the house. "So what's our first thing today?"

"Pay Woundwart a casualty call and share his grief over the loss of his best lieutenant. You buy the flowers, I'll get the baseball bat out of the trunk."

"Going to be one of those kind of casualty visits." David remarked as he and Fritz stepped out of the house and walked towards their car.

"Oh? Before we get in the car, look it over for anything different." Fritz warned. "Obviously I am not the most loved mammal in the whole city by some mammals."

"I wonder why?" David said. "You have such a face of integrity and gentleness?"

"You really want to be a prick this morning." Fritz replied as he and David finished scanning over the car and were soon driving through Sahara Central.

"What's the plan with Woundwart? What's his "gig" anyway?" David asked as he sat doing a quick "strip n check" of his nine millimeter service pistol.

"He runs a chain of bowling alleys." Fritz replied. "And before you ask? Yes… you can turn an illegal prophet from bowling."

"You're kidding me? Bowling?" David asked.

"You will learn the many ways the syndicates use to skim small penny cash for big returns." Fritz replied. "Come on? I know it's almost six and you're not fully tuned up just yet but let's brainstorm together which we have the time. What's the first thing you can screw with to get extra cash in a bowling alley?"

David thought for a moment and then snapped his paw fingers. "The pins."

"How?" Fritz replied. "What would be the purpose of messing with the bowling pins?"

David thought for a moment…."Throw games."

"See?…." Fritz said as he tapped his nose. "You are as good as your record portends. You think quick on your feet now biggest bang for the buck, what games would you throw?"

David thought for a moment and smirked back. "Tournaments and especially when you have rivals from companies."

Fritz nodded..."Billy Goats of Micro-Sloth is a notorious sore loser, especially against his rival Jeff Bearsos. They cash war against each other all the time to throw off each other's company bowling teams during competitive matches. Another skim trick is the concession machines...especially those Monster Mammal pep drinks Suntori Concern out of Tundra Town makes. You know Woundwart is a share holder? Legally speaking he is anyway. Well the machines are programmed to periodically bind up and not throw out a product. Now especially among the young Mammals under 21? How many of them are going go seek their money back? Nine times out of ten? They're going to throw more cash into the machine and that extra sluff goes right into Woundwarts coffers. Then….there's the slot machines, the bar top gambling machines, a little prostitution and professional injury sharks."

David cocked his head. "Professional…...injury sharks?"

"Oh yeah..." Fritz replied. "Just a few mammals under the pay of Woundwart who pull of fake accidents with customers out in the parking lot. Catch it all the time when an officer can be here to witness it. They target some poor mammal who already has a shaky record between their insurance and the police and the "victim" just happens to be at the right place. Then Woundwart sends another goon to negotiate a settlement. Just one small way of many he uses to grow his cash."

David scratched his snoot. "Ok? So why don't we bust Woundwart and all the criminal big wigs like Mister Big over in Tundra Town?"

"Because the big bosses are good at not getting any charges that stick to their butts and because save for the one's like the Winter Hill Gang...the big bosses have kept their problems with each other somewhat "civil" and one's like Mister Big often help us under the table because they absolutely detest the botanical/chemical street trade. The danger this "Toot" poses or not poses right now is sparking a street wide gang war...that? We don't want."

Fritz took a turn off from route 1, the inner urban Auto link-way, into Walnut Warrens which was a middle class mostly rabbit populated city suburb. The streets were just beginning to teem with "Hoppies" on their way to the mass transit stations or to various local companies as Fritz and David stopped their car in front of "Ten-pin Jacks" bowling alley.

"Stick close and cover my six." Fritz said as he and David walked to the front doors. "Now you know how bunnies feel about cats along with dogs, wolves and badgers? These guys will probably be "amped up skittish" with the death of Bugs so keep your head on a swivel but stay cool."

Daid nodded. "Right. You do all the talking." David said...then he thought. "On second thought? Why don't "I" talk to them? You might get us shot."

Fritz smirked back. "Alright? We'll try a little tame and charm offensive first. Be my guess….rookie."

David frowned. "I have your rookie boss." The Cheetah said with a snort as he reached out to ring the door bell. It took four times before a March hair dressed in a nicely pressed white collar short sleeve shirt and dress slacks came to the door and pressed a button on the wall speaker.

"Yeah?" The hair said slightly annoyed. "Who are you?"

David pulled out his badge. "Zootopia Police Department, homicide. We'd like to speak with Mister Woundwart if he's available?"

The hair made a quick look over his shoulder back into the bowling alley. "Mister Woundwart isn't available right now at this time in the morning. Come back around noon."

David asked again..."Sir. This will not take up his time. We just have a few questions for him about the death of his close associate Mister Bugs Bunny."

"Are you deaf?" The hare replied with a gruff. "I told you that Mister Woundwart is not available at this time! Now do you mind? Unless you have a warrant to enter this establishment..."

Without another second….Fritz whipped out his "equipment" and started urinating on the glass door!

"Fritz?! What the hell!" David yelped.

"So much for offensive charming….now we just offend period!" Fritz snickered.

And as expected….the hare at the door "wigged out", forgot who he was facing and pushed the door open expecting to kick some tail….only he got a face full of magnum…

"I guess we don't need a warrant just to have a nice little chat with Mister Woundy? Do we have a mutual understanding there?" Fritz asked with a smile.

"Just to talk to Mister Woundwart?" The young hare replied. "No….if it's just a….a social call?"

Fritz pushed the shaking hare inside and closed the door. "We're here to express our grief at the demise of Mister Bugs Bunny of whom I've had a long...if not mutually understandable relationship with. You don't mind do you?"

"No sir…." The hair said as other hares showed themselves in various forms of dress, semi-dress and carrying guns. Fritz holstered his fourty four..."Some times charm offensives need good support."

David almost chuckled..."Does that include public indecency, urination and pulling your weapon?"

Fritz look back smirking. "We got inside before noon did we not?"

The hare took Fritz and David through a door, down a short hall and up to another door where the rabbit held them short. "Please….give me just two minutes to make sure Mister Woundwart is presentable?"

Fritz and David nodded as they watched the hare go into the room…

"Awesome first impression." David snorted.

"I don't need to make impressions." Fritz replied. "Impressions are not as important as results." Fritz gave David a light smile..."Come on David...this is not spit and polish patrol work where you have to put the best foot forwards for the community's approval….we're dealing with mammals who are less than reputable and they don't give a damn if they add to our reputation...speaking of the positives."

The door opened and the hare who had the magnum stuck in his face gestured Fritz and David inside the posh wall to wall carpeted and very richly appointed room where a larger Hare sat in an easy chair with a finished breakfast service sitting next to him on a small table…

"Good morning….Gentlemen." The large, plump dark battleship gray colored and scar'd up hare said as he pulled a thick rounded vape pipe from his mouth. David noted the various scars on the face and arms...obviously this big bunny had seen a bucket of fights over a long span of time..."To what do I owe this visit….Inspector Catz?"

"Good morning Woundy!" Fritz said buoyantly…

"That is Mister Woundwart….SIR!" A voice from the side snarled in demand, getting Fritz's attention.

"Excuse me? And who are you Sir?" Fritz asked.

"That…." Woundwart replied. "Is Campion...my new business adviser."

Fritz held out a hand….Campion wasn't interested in shaking his..."So soon Woundy?" Fritz remarked. "Bugs isn't even carved like chicken yet at the mrogue and you already replaced him? And with a lesser hare? Woundy? I am so shocked."

"That….is…..Mister Woundwart SIR….to you." Campion snarled stronger.

"My my…." Fritz said smirking. "Didn't take long to get a carrot up your tail hole there junior. So?…...Woundy….."

"You damned cop!" Campion snapped and started to move which got David moving and drawing his own pistol on the rabbits head…

"Please don't be dumb enough to trigger a warrent-less search on probable cause that you're a real stupid bunny?" David snapped. "Please? Test how fast a cheetah can move? I'd love to demonstrate the minutia."

Fritz's eyes bugged…."Nicely said! You're picking up my manors already?"

David replied. "we're dealing with Mammals who are less than reputable and they don't give a damn if they add to our reputation...speaking of the positives."

Woundwart groaned…."Campion? Get….out please?"

"But….but Father!" Campion snapped.

"I SAID GET OUT! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR EARS? GET OUT!" Woundwart screamed.

Campion quickly left.

"My….children do not take well to their father being disrespected." Woundwart said as he tapped his paw fingers. "You've come for some obvious simple questions I hope? "Dirty draws?"

Fritz chuckled as David re-holstered his weapon. "Obviously...Mister Woundwart….the reason we're here is about Bugs Bunny. We know he was strangled and his foot was cut off and his mouth was "Krylon'd" like a park bench which is the calling card of the Winter Hill mob. Also….four of your associates met a very untimely ending having themselves a "wild party"….let's put that mildly. What we...my partner and I….need to know? Does this have anything to do with a little gang tiff? Maybe you or some of the other bosses are using some mammal to wack a few "associates" to get a message across?"

Woundwart groaned…."I would never use a whore to do what other "more professional" Mammals could do through a little face to face negotiating. Using a whore to do negotiating is below me."

Fritz nodded as David took notes. "I want you to be absolutely sure now Woundy? I'd hate for there to be any mistake….such as oh….you deciding some of your boys should go play a little "Whack-a-mole" thinking perhaps that the Winter Hill gang or Mister Big was behind what happened to your group of associates at that hotel. For you? That would not be a sound thing to do. Take good advice...and...just sit and allow my partner and I to determine the responsible party in these attacks because….if you and the other bosses decide to "Jump for jollies" and start a little street gang war? You'll all be facing the ZPD armed with heavy weapons and…..more than a few of you will end up "pelts" at the local "Walrus-mart" if you get my meaning there…..Woundy?"

The big hare pulled another draw from his vape pen..."Just tell me what you're getting at here Inspector? What do you think is going on? And once again I'll restate myself clearly...I am not using a whore to do anything...though? They do make good spies for "insider trade'n" if you get the drift?"

"So….?" Fritz asked..."Do you Mammaly think this is some one not connected to any syndicate work?"

"I didn't say anything of the sort." Woundwart replied. "I'm just say'n that I'm not doing such a thing and I have no idea if another syndicate is do'n it. That's for you to find out. But…..and I'll make a kindly suggestion because I do believe in assisting our good officers of the law..."

"Wow….how magnanimous." David snorted. "Where's a ladder so I can escape the brown-nami."

Fritz turned his head..."Ok David...I have to teach you the proper times to throw sarcasm."

"Your young partner here has spirit." Woundwart said. "If you need someone who has a good read on every whore in the city? Look up a tiger in Sahara Square named "Khan"...if there is such a thing as a reputable pimp?"

Fritz did a kind of snort chuckle and regarded Woundwart with a hand gesture. "Then we're done here…..for now. Now, keep what I said to you in mind Woundy? I wouldn't like to see your Bowling Alley reduced to a pile of burnt match sticks because you let your children out of the play pen ok? Stay calm and let the police find out who killed your boys. By the way? Was "Bunny on a stick" one of your brood?"

Campion was standing by the door and scowling deeply…."Fuck you Dirty." He said with a snort.

Fritz pinched Campion's cheek and smiled at him. "We're already establishing a good rapore with each other. I'm going to like you Campy? You're so darn cute!"

end of part 4


	5. Chapter 5

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 5**

 **11AM**

 **Day 2**

 **Fritz and David drive towards Sahara Square**

"I noticed Woundwart didn't bother telling us how we could find this "Khan" character." David said as he ran a brush through his thick yellow head tuft.

"Nope…." Fritz replied. "Normally rats don't rat on their fellow rats. Which means we have to stop and see a certain mammal I often use as a point of information. Come on David, don't you watch those cop shows like " One Mammals 12" or "Frosty Street Blues" or "Sahara Vice"?"

"I don't watch television all that much." David replied. "It's not productive to my life...except the news. You'd probably think it perverted that I so would nail Charlene Summertails to her anchor chair?"

"Just don't tell me you sit there and lick yourself then we've gone into the TMI zone from hell." Fritz replied. Just then the car phone chimed out…

"Pick up David. I can't do two things at once." Fritz said with a huff.

"Like pee on a door and pull your gun?" David snickered as he hit the call receive button on the console. "Homicide team in route, David Sweet speaking."

"Is Dirty there?" Came the reply.

"Hey Sammy." Fritz said to Agent Samaliel of the ZBI's criminal investigation and analysis laboratory. A little noise stopped the Arctic Fox from speaking further…

"PENT! I TOLD YOU TWICE NOW TO LEAVE THINGS IN HERE ALONE! I SWEAR I WILL RIP YOUR TAIL A NEW ONE NOW SIT DOWN AND BEHAVE YOURSELF! SHEESH….WHY CAN'T MOM AFFORD A BABY SITTER?"

David chuckled as Fritz shook his head..."Sam? Go easy on the kid? Remember, you're not immune from the mammal child protection act."

"No one said my brother's furry butt was protected from a gentle and persuasive spanking. I swear Dirty, the kid is way to bright for his own good. Anyway? Preliminary results are done for your case." Samaliel said.

"You're always the wonder worker my foxy friend. Hey...before you say anything? Has that Bronco tail grooming kit worked like I said?" Fritz asked.

"Are you kidding me?" Samaliel replied with a giggly buoyant sound. "Oh my gawd...are you kidding? I've been getting nothing but compliments about it for a week now! I actually don't mind the other foxes swooning over her, they pet her, they love on her, they beg me to find a kit…dude….it's buying me major "pop-you-lar" points all over the place and my mother? She doesn't hug me...she hugs my tail! Fritz? I am sooooo thankful for it….really…."

Fritz chuckled..."Well Sammy, don't start spraying all over the lab ok? It's just a great tail grooming kit, I know you foxes and vanity points. I'm glad you enjoy it and you've been helping me a bunch so….what's the results?"

Samaliel could be heard typing on his computer. "Well….initial results seem to show that your perp could be….reptilian."

David and Fritz gave each other cocked looks. "Rep….tillian?" Frita asked.

"That's what they say." Samaliel replied. "Now of course…."CRASH"…..THAT DOES IT!"

Fritz and David heard Samaliel chasing his little brother through the lab, finally catching him and then the sound of the young fox crying and screaming how he would "tell mom" that his big brother had abused him, calling Samaliel all kinds of nasty words and then a door slammed hard…

"Sorry you had to hear all that." Samaliel returned. "He's getting more like I was when I turned 13...oh my Gawd...my mother labeled me worse than "Al Quail-dah" and "Bin-Lamb-don"

"It's ok…." Fritz replied. "I dread it when my oldest daughter becomes more independent and refuses to listen….ugh…..so about those results?"

"I'm testing them again to make sure they're accurate." Samaliel said. "But that's the initial results...use them as….hold on…."

This time Fritz and David heard a tear fest of apologies, "I love you" and the sounds of a small fox kit snuggling and loving up to the tail of his older brother. "All is right with the world now." Samaliel said. "I don't get angry to hurt you Pent….I do it because I love you a lot...now please behave in here ok?"

Fritz asked. "So when will you have harder results in Sammy?"

"About two days or less to have it hard wrapped." Samaliel replied.

"Alright." Fritz said. "We'll take the preliminary and proceed on that. The only question is? Reptilians usually keep to the Northwest region of the rain forest district and they keep to themselves so this is….somewhat….bizarre behavior by their standards."

"I know that." Samaliel replied. "You should have seen my fellows here at the lab when we first compared our results….complete "duh" faces."

"Well thanks against Sammy for the fast work. You're one in a million." Fritz clicked off the car phone and frowned his face. "Reptilian? There's so little evidence of a reptile to be found though? Doesn't make sense at all."

David crossed his arms and pursed his lips..."We're dealing with someone who is very skillful no doubt. Not your typical prostitute by any means."

Fritz huffed..."Can you see a Komodo Dragon in fish stickings and a purse?"

David snickered. "I can see Charlene Summertails in fish stockings spreading her hinds out over her chair arms?"

"David? I never imagine you would say such a thing?" Fritz said shocked.

"I'm a young cheetah...come on Fritz?" David said as he watched things go by the car as they drove into Sahara Square. "So who are we going to see?"

"A contact of mine named Minerva." Fritz replied. "And keep your claws to yourself there stud fluff."

"Why?" David asked.

 **1pm**

 **Day 2**

 **217 Aloe Ave**

 **Sahara Square**

When the door to the apartment opened...David looked like he'd gone to heaven, came back and had another stroke. Fritz was unmoved as the soft white fur'd, long blonde head tuft flowing female mink stood as natural as she could be…

Naked.

"Hello Manerva." Fritz said as he smirked at the gorgeous shaped long bodied naked mink. "Will you do us a favor and cover up please? My partner's gone comatose here."

Minerva tucked her long and fluffy tail between her legs to cover herself and her breasts….

"Minerva? How about clothes?" Fritz asked.

"Do I really need them?" She asked back. "Long time Fritz...and who is this charming Chee Chee with the gorgeous head tuft?"

"Don't even try it Minerva? Stop molesting my partner?" Fritz asked as he side elbowed David in the chest…

"Oh! Umm…..Inspector David Sweet...I wasn't ready for…..this." David said shaking his head as Minerva walked inside to put on a robe…

"You obviously never told your partner about me….have you?" She said as she walked to her kitchen to grab a bottle of water. "Are you two on duty or is this a sweet social call?"

David regarded Fritz with a snort. "You….don't?"

"You suggest that again and see if I don't swat you?" Fritz replied. "No...me and Minerva go back a while actually. Back to when I was just a beat cop and she was...well…..she had been a run-a-way then who fell into the hands of a vicious pimp. I was on patrol and heard her screaming in an alley. The bastard had beaten her up and was just about to pour Draino down her throat."

David looked at Minerva who showed off a still bare burn scar under her left arm where the bastard pimp had tortured her with a small clothing iron. "I'd be dead now had "Hairy" here not snapped the bastards neck like a twig. I never thought an ordinary cat could kill a pissed off honey badger."

Fritz took a water from Minerva..."She was so busted up. No place to go. Addicted to Night Howler. Took her in our house for a month which caused a ton of fire works. Had too because once you kill one Honey Badger, every bad tempered bastard badger within twenty miles would come to make a score and a name….plenty of them got that….on tomb stones. Minerva's lived here ever since...though? It's been rather "difficult" for me to influence her to stop her "professional" life."

Minerva smirked in reply. "I use what works to get by shug...after all? What skills do I have other than...good presentation?"

"You "could" go to school?" Fritz replied. "Better yet? The ZPD needs administration staffers, I've told you that before?"

Minerva threw a paw..."Me and desks don't cohabit Dirty. "So what brings you here anyway?"

David had finally gotten over the "curvature disease" and cleared his throat. "We're investigating this rash of murders of gang members by what we think could be a reptile of some sort and we need to see someone called "Khan" who might know who this could be. From the description of the guy, he sounds like a sort of pimp piece of shit."

Minerva frowned and walked up to David..."Allow me to educate your young partner Dirty? If you decide to call Khan a "Pimp piece of shit"? Some of his girl's may take deep offense to that and they won't care about your badge or gun when they cut your throat….Khan is by far no "piece of shit pimp." plenty of girls will attest to that….especially all the young kits he's saved from far worse."

"Then why isn't he more well known?" David asked. "Even Fritz didn't know anything about him?"

Because…..David…..Khan is not one to attract notoriety. He runs a very neat and well groomed escort service and it is just that, all of his "girls" are my age… middle aged sweety's who make more with their charming than with their slits. Khan knows almost every street mammal and every pimp in Zootopia and if you had that information? You'd stay as quiet as possible yourself...not that any low level pimp would want to take on a "King Tiger"...we're talking a Sumatran Whopper who can go from sophistication to meat eater like "snap". Only a few girls are entrusted with his exact location….which your's truly….is one of them."

Minerva got in David's face…."Now? Pretty Chee Chee? Turn your tail around and get out of my apartment."

David pursed his lips. "I don't have to….."

Fritz grabbed him by the shoulder..."Get going David. The only one who's going to get the info is me. And from here on to where we go? You're wearing a blind fold because if this "Khan" is like Minerva says he is? You'll be nothing but an after dinner mint in his eyes."

 **1:48pm**

 **Day 2**

 **David blindfolded**

 **Sahara Square**

"This is so B.S." David snorted. "Why do I have to be blind folded?"

"Because I'm driving." Fritz replied. "And because Minerva trusts me completely to treat this guy the way he should be if we want to get what we need. I told you before David, homicide sometimes requires us to walk in the shady side of legality. We have to trust each other completely as partners and that includes being able to act when it's not comfortable."

The car phone rang and fritz answered it. "Inspector 71 en route on investigation."

Benjamin Clawhauser replied. "Fritz? Two more cases for you. One has the same crazy "MOE" as the others and one is obviously a revenge hit. All I'll say is….it was a she and she….lawn mower…."

Fritz punched the steering wheel with a fist…."DAMN SON OF A BITCH WOUNDWART!" Fritz quickly pulled his car by the side of the road and pulled his own cell phone out..."That fat mother…."

"Some mammals are hard of hearing..." David said. "How did you know?"

"A favorite call card of the Playboys…." Fritz replied as his phone clicked…

"You've reached the Ten Pin Jacks..." A voice replied.

"This is Dirty Hairy...put Woundwart on right now cottontail cock breath before a whole crop of black and whites come crashing through your front door." Fritz said calmly.

"Why are you calling?" The voice asked.

"I think you know very damn well why I'm calling, now put that fat ass flab butt on the damn phone before I call a raid down on your asses!" Fritz snarled. "Now mother fucker!"

The phone went silent for a moment before another voice came on. "Inspector Catz….this is Campion. I suppose you're calling about the brutal murder of one female Honey Badger by a lawn mower?"

"You were warned you little weasel carrot chewing prick." Fritz snapped.

"It wasn't us Catz." Campion replied. "That wasn't us and I can vouch for all of us and my father will vouch….no reprisals were ordered just as you told us in fact? I bet the reason she got whacked is because she was a mole working for the polar Bears and Mister Big and she got what was coming to her and they knew she was a mole for some time so don't you blame us you sand box crap eating pussy bitch!"

Fritz smiled and chuckled a little…."You grew out of your dirty diapers really quick kid. Amazing."

"Oh fuck you Dirty." Campion snapped back. "I hope you find this sicko prostitute who's doing this whack job soon. My father will not hold his peace for very long when our wallet starts getting bit….trust me."

"Click"

Fritz sat pursing his lips a moment before he got back on the road to where he was going to meet "Khan" "How I hate fricken dead lines.?"

End of part 5


	6. Chapter 6

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 6**

 **2:15pm**

 **Day 2**

 **Oasis Hotel and Casino Strip**

 **Sahara Square**

David felt Fritz carefully pull him from the car and then pull his pistol from his shoulder holster under his suit coat…

"Trusty are we not?" David said as Fritz took him by a paw…

"Just keep your maw closed and ears open." Fritz replied. "Speak only when spoken too."

David smelled the strong mixes of perfume as he stepped up a small group of stairs and entered into a building with a wood floor. "Ok? Let me guess? There's some hot females in here and they're armed up...am I close?"

"Yeah…." Fritz replied smirking. "A whole pride of big breasted lionesses and they're all packing shotguns and M-16's." In reality there was just one leading them both through a hallway and she was armed with a pair of Samurai swords. The rare K'zinti tiger female led them into a room which had a very Sumatran Asian aesthetic look to it. Pastel wall rugs with tasteful images of male and female tigers in various poses of love and affection surrounded the planter adorned floor of various colorful floral arrangements and sitting at an ornate red cherry wood table was a huge yellow Sumatran Tiger dressed in an an Asian outfit of puffy oriental balloon pants and a silk vest top…

The female K'Zinti removed David's blindfold and the cheetah shook his head to clear the fog and get used to the light until his first clear look at the large King Tiger made him cringe a bit…

For his part….Khan just sat pleasurably calm with a hooka pipe end stuck in his maw. The aroma of sweet tobacco filled the room as the music from "Mink Floyd" softly played over speakers affixed to the ceiling.

"Ah...Inspector Catz..." Khan said as he blew smoke from his mouth. "Minerva called me ahead of time that you wanted to visit? "Au chan tae" please sit and enjoy a smoke? I assure you there is nothing untoward in the pipe."

Khan regarded David's timidity. "I assure you detective...you have more to fear from my ladies than myself so...please? I won't bite you."

David and Fritz took seats at the table as Khan snapped his paw fingers. "What will you gentle-mammals have? I suspect you can't drink on duty?"

"Warm milk will be fine." Fritz said. "Did Minerva tell you why we wanted to see you?"

"Yes….she did." Khan replied. "Quite and efficient and brutally effective killer you have on your hands. Certainly not close to my own charges I assure you. "Chuft Lau" over there could certainly kill far swifter and….with less mess. Your subject is not a canid nor a feline….that, I assure you. I know that much from what my own charges have told me."

David pulled out a note book and quickly had it taken by Khan…."I'm sorry detective but...memory only leaves here. There's good reason I assure you. Some of the syndicate gangs are already fingering me as the causer of their problems."

"Do you think this is some sort of hired gun for one of the gangs?" Fritz asked.

"It's an interesting hypothesis but I would say….no….." Khan replied. "Could she or he be in the employ of multiple gangs? Possibly….but that also flies in the face of better logic. There's been relative peace and prosperity between all the gangs now for nearly ten years since the last major gang war. Why any of them would risk upsetting the apple cart for some sort of gain which would quickly be stomped into the mud by the police? I'd say that would be the act of a fool."

Fritz leaned forwards..."We received a call from the ZBI saying their preliminary data analysis indicates the subject in question my be reptilian in species."

Khan sat back in his chair. "Now that is an unforeseen twist. Reptiles in Zootopia are notoriously self-closed from the rest of the mammal population because of the diverse climates outside the North West. No normal reptile could do what this one has done so far with such fast reflexes. Certainly not one of the "gator" classes and the only reptilian with any bulk below the "Gates" is a "Komodo Dragon". I have yet too meet a female dragon in these parts."

The big tiger took a sip of the tall drink before him and waved to the K'Zinti female who came over and took a whisper in her fish tail fin like ear…

"I will have my charges keep their eyes and ears open for you concerning this reptile belief of yours….at least until the ZBI gives you better information. Please tell me when that happens?"

Khan regarded David's face and noted the sort of disgust look coming from it. "Do I displease you detective?" Khan asked. Fritz quickly gave David's foot a little kick.

"No." David replied with a slight yip sound. "Not at all?"

Khan waved his hooka line around. "Please detective? Do not insult my intelligence? I know what you probably think considering you are both young and rather ambitious at your posting. I think Inspector Catz can better explain the "way of things" better than myself. But this I'm afraid is where you and he leave…just being kind and looking out for your skin."

A paw wave and David was blind folded again and lightly pushed along with Fritz until they were clear of where they had once been and had driven some blocks away.

Fritz took off the blindfold and sighed..."I'm surprised we got that far with that face of yours."

"A pimp is a dirty pimp no matter what high class looking pad he lives in. That dirt bag can blow sunshine up a tail hole ass day and I would still slap cuffs on him...or save society the trouble of dealing with his crap on a daily basis." David groaned.

"Well spoken Long Ranger Wolf….High ho silver." Fritz said as turned onto the main drag that led into downtown Zootopia.

David clammed up still looking ticked off. Fritz closed his eyes for a moment and sighed deeply…."David? This is not traffic patrol where the sides of good and not good are pretty precise. I told you at the start that homicide and most of law enforcement is and can be a dirty business of devil dealing to maintain the public peace. Law enforcement can not cover every nook, every crack and every corner 24/7 too be efficient and effective sometimes we have to rely on the public trust and sometimes we have to play with and use detestable sources against targets they share the same concern and hate over."

"It's all about fighting to keep a balance in the city among every mammal of every persuasion. Cubs and Kits should be able to stand at their school bus stops without fear of being shot. Mothers who send their cubs and kits to school should not have to fear pervs, pushers and scumbags trying to kidnap them, sell them into the fox fur and skin trade or load them up on Night Howlers. And "hookers" shouldn't be allowed to bring out a street war where an innocent cub riding her bike might get her head blown off by a stupid street thug waging a shooting war. I know what you'd like to do, don't hide your feelings about it."

Fritz grabbed David on his shoulder and shook him. "The bottom line David is what you and I strive for...we have to manage the balance of those we detest and those we serve to make the lives of the majority...including those we love...as happy and safe as we can...to do that takes us being at times the scoops of a very nasty filled cat box….ok?"

David smiled back..."I'll get the hang of it. I'm just glad you understand."

"You're a tough Cheetah." Fritz said confidently as he gave David a chin tap.

The car radio suddenly cracked with a series of quick beeping tones indicating a flash alert was being sent around the city..."This is car twenty, Officer Merkhorn (Rhino) requesting nearest officers to the corner of Catamaran and West Streets in Herd! Possible contact with murder suspect being sought in connection with the incident at 182 Dune Ave in Baobob district. Officer is covering a downed victim with severe Trauma! Send EMT at once!"

David snatched the radio mic as Fritz hit the accelerator. "Homicide inspector 71 responding to Officer Merkhorn, we are three minutes inbound!"

The radio cracked again..."Officers Anderson and Fangmeyer responding to Officer Merkhorn, five minutes inbound!"

Fritz pulled out his magnum and handed it to David. "Glove compartment, red tips in a speed loader, Load me up?"

David emptied the rounds in the revolver, popped a speed loader of "lethals" into the cylinder, slapped the revolver closed and handed it back. "You want me on shotgun?"

"Yeah…." Fritz replied as slid the car around a street corner. "Load your last two with net rounds, the rest with red tips."

David pulled his shotgun from the rack between the seats and started pushing shells into the loading catch under the breech block as Fritz grabbed the Mic…

"John? (Merkhorn) How much has passed from when you got there?" Fritz asked as he turned another corner and saw Merkhorn's cruiser far down the street.

"Bout five minutes." Merkhorn replied as he waved to the incoming pair. "The victim's in bad shape here."

Fritz brought the car to a sliding stop and he and David leaped out, snatched Kevilar vests from the back seats and ran with their weapons out to meet John Merkhorn behind his cruiser with the victim lying to his side…

"I wrapped an air pressure cuff around this little guy's (Otter) neck but he's in a bad way Fritz. I didn't see the suspect but I'm thinking he or she went into that construction site because they didn't get a chance to whack this guy." Merkhown gritted his teeth and grabbed his car mic..."Andy? Fang? Cut this construction site off in the back when you get here. What artillery are you bringing?"

"A shotgun and a Zastubat rifle." Officer Anderson (Lion) replied.

"Use the shotgun to move up. Don't use the Zastubat unless you absolutely have to or we'll have cross fire out here. Fritz and his partner are going to move into the site while I protect the victim till the EMT's show up."

Fritz and David gave Merkhorn a nod then ran from behind the police cruiser to press their backs against the solid wooden fence of the construction site…

"Worry about a Zastubat and cross fire?" David snorted. "Worry about Fritz's field artillery." The Cheetah said as he could hear Anderson's cruiser coming to a stop on the other side of the site…

"Five minutes? Good head start." David said as he racked the slide of his shotgun and whipped the barrel around a corner.

"Your first two rounds are nets right?" Fritz asked as he brought his magnum up and tracked the barrel around the site ahead of him. "Lots of places to hide. That otter back there is our only living source right now." Fritz snorted. "This suspect won't have qualms not to try and finish the job..."

Fritz pulled the mic off his belt radio..."John? What's ETA on the EMT's?"

"About two minutes." John Merkhorn answered. "The otter's still with us."

"You watch out when they come up….get him in that ambulance and get it the hell out of here dee dee jack rabbit."

David pointed to his left with his thumb. "Con-ex boxes and office trailers on the far end over there...concrete pipes and cable blocks to the right of those." We should start there."

"Fangmeyer (tiger) here Inspector. I'm covering the gate, Anderson's covering the street on the other side and prep'ing a humming bird drone." Fangmeyer said on the radio as Fritz and David covered the ground from the front gate towards the con-ex boxes and office trailers on their left side….

Sliding to cover behind a concrete electrical box...David swept the various concrete forms to his front as Fritz tracked his magnum back to where they had ran from….

"Fang? Put the drone up around the building construction." Fritz said into his mic. "That will cover a lot for us since there's no facades. I don't see him or her being that dumb to try and hide up there."

"You want SWAT?" Fang asked. "Hopps and Wilde are on their way with Delgato...ten minutes out."

Fritz bolted for the construction con-ex boxes and the office trailers with David covering his rear. "Better call Benji and stage em for a chopper drop just in case things get crazy but so far we don't see anything." Fritz yelped as he stopped at a corner of a con-ex box with David stopping across from him behind another…

"Shhhhhh…." Fritz said to David as he pointed to his ear and made a talk motion with his fingers. Fritz then grabbed his mic..."Silence on the radio… we are ears on."

Fritz then gestured to David to quickly re-arrange his shotgun load…."Load three flash bang percussion shells." He hand signaled. He then pulled a telescopic hand mirror from his jacket pocket. There were two rows of eight steel con-ex boxes which probably held supplies, equipment, tools and other trash. Fritz saw three of them were un-locked with the doors slightly jarred open….perhaps because they were broken….or perhaps because someone was inside. The expectation was that since the day was a worker's holiday….the only anything sitting inside one of these boxes would be the suspect. In that case...a percussion shot gun round would make a nasty visitor.

Fritz carefully inched his way to the side of the first open box with David farther back and off to the side where a good angle shot would send a shell bouncing off the inner wall before it detonated….

Fritz held his magnum ready with one hand while using the mirror to carefully scan as much of the interior as he could. When he was satisfied...he stood up, put the magnum by his head and bum rushed through the steel doors, leveling his cannon at the first object he could draw on. The realization suddenly hit him that firing a magnum in such a confined space would not be a good idea unless the target was big enough to absorb the impact and not allow the bullet to fly all over the place…

As he pulled back from the box….Fritz wisely pulled his back up side arm, an XCP 38 caliber pistol, before he moved to the second box and repeated the same moves as before...with the same empty results….

Perhaps the suspect had moved on knowing he or she had lost their victim? Perhaps not? The scent of something strong and musky nailed Fritz in his feline nostrils…

The third box? The stench of strong urine made Fritz wince and now he was back to his magnum as he stood by the corner of the box and hand signaled to David as he slowly came up with the shot gun tight to his shoulder…

Fritz motioned him to hold his place as he slowly moved the mirror around the lip of the open door to the Con-ex and tried to see as much of the inside as the meager light allowed. The thing was full of trash and there was no detectable sound Fritz could pick up with his acute feline hearing…

He signaled back to David with hand gestures..."On three? Pop two rounds into this thing…." He then signaled Fangmeyer and Merkhorn. "We're popping bang bangs….stand fast."

Fritz quickly tucked his head into his shoulders and popped up his paw fingers to the three count…."THREE!"

"BOOM! CHICK CHOCK BOOM!" David cut loose two flash bang rounds from his shot gun. They bounced off the open door, flew into the con ex box and exploded in white hot light flashes and loud blasts that sent showers of sparks flying out past Fritz as he stormed inside!

David quickly ran up to charge into the box behind Fritz and found his partner standing midst the smoke, kicked up dust and floating trash debris reaching down to take hold of something he'd found lying among the mound under his feet…

"What's that?" David asked.

Fritz shook the leather like length of material in his paw…."Our reptile. I think?"

David took hold of the material and smirked..."You're kidding right?"

"The urine is fresh enough." Fritz said as he walked to the opening and put his magnum up by his head. "That slofted skin is still warm so he or she is still around here….maybe."

Fritz slowly took his mic in his hand..."Fang? Are you still at that gate?"

"Yes sir." Fangmeyer replied. "Hopps and Wilde just showed up on John's side."

Fritz motioned David out of the Con-ex and they closed it, throwing the opening handles down to lock the doors behind them…

"Everybody eyes on…." Fritz said as he slowly walked while tracking his magnum in front of him. "The suspect's a reptile all right...a big snake from the look of the skin she or he left behind."

The radio cracked..."Did you say? Snake?" Judy Asked.

"Well….it's not a centipede there Lieutenant."Fritz snorted as he and David came to an office trailer and scanned the underside…

"Had to be a snake?" Judy sounded on the radio. "I hate…..them….."

"It's the tongue." Nick snickered. "She had a bad experience once...date went south…."SLAP!" Ouch!"

Fritz snickered into his radio. "Wilde? Do you seek to be de-balled?"

"Just trying to lighten the situation." Nick replied. "One does not simply…tango with a snake."

David snickered back. "Your meme's suck officer Wilde." As he checked the door to the office trailer and signaled to Fritz that it was locked.

"Drone's up." Anderson's voice sounded over the radio. Fritz looked up to see the hummingbird drone fly over the boarder fence of the construction site and move towards the steel frame seven story structure in the center…

"Fritz!" David chattered as he aimed his shotgun in a kneel position at the opening to what was obviously a concrete lined service or drain tube that had been put into the ground as part of the construction…

Fritz got behind David's back..."If he or she took this out?…."

"Lieutenant Hopps and Patrolman Wilde coming in!" Judy's voice cracked over Fritz's radio.

"Lieutenant Hopps and Officer Wilde will turn back around and sit tight." Fritz demanded.

"Inspector?" Judy replied. "I am the senior on site officer."

"I don't care if you were prom queen, Lieutenant." Fritz replied. "This is a big… big mean bastard judging by the skin it left behind. You and Wilde wouldn't make a speed bump."

"Excuse me Detective Catz? Who proclaimed you executive bad ass?...you need to curtail your smart mouth to a senior officer!...especially with that stupid "prom queen" remark. How would you like to sit in a one on one mandatory session with H.R. for harassment?"

Fritz wrapped a hand around the assault line loop in the back of David's vest. "Judy? I value you 100 percent and I know you'll try to do your usual thing which is be daring, courageous, brave and resourceful but against this thing? Ah no….Nick?"

"Yo?" Nick replied.

"Put her in the back of your cruiser and lock the doors?" Fritz asked. As the complaints from Judy and Nick's yelps from her fighting him came over the radio; David frowned back…

"What the heck?" David snorted. "Doing that to one of the best officers on the force?"

"I have my reasons." Fritz replied. "But they're my reasons alone. Blame her for being such a good friend...I don't like losing friends. She's good but not good against something like this. I'd rather worry about "it" than her."

David began to advance into the concrete pipe with his shotgun leveled while Fritz held his magnum at the ready by his head..."How far are we going into this thing?" David asked.

"Enough to make sure he or she is long gone and not taking up residence. Go about fifty yards….or to the first cross piping which ever is first."

Fritz pulled the small mag light from David's belt holder and flashed it down the pipe length as they slowly moved till he stopped…

"Do you have a blue filter for this?" Fritz asked.

"The extra pocket." David replied. "Obviously white light's a dead give a way?"

"Need you ask?" Fritz replied as he quickly popped the blue filter into the bulb cover of the flashlight and nudged David on.

"Please do not shoot that monster by my ears?" David yelped as he side glanced at the magnum..."You got lethal rounds in all the chambers?"

"Full HVP." Fritz snarled. "If the bastard gets hit with these? We can have snake salad at our next dinner date at Buckies. Oh shoot...I need to tell you about Buckies."

"Right now I think we should worry about this "thing" we're chasing Fritz?" David huffed..."Just so you know? My first two rounds are net rounds."

"Go with flash bang rounds." Fritz replied. "Net rounds won't do squat against this bastard."

"I'm changing loads like I change underwear." David snickered as he cycled the pump and re-set his shell load sequence.

"Tee-em-eye David….way too much Tee-em-Eye." Fritz snickered as he pulled David to a stop..."Wait….shhhhhh…...listen."

Fritz held his free paw up for a moment as he and David listened intently to the air around them. Sure enough...David detected the sound of scratching ahead. He whispered over his shoulder as he pointed down the pipe..."Junction ahead..."

Fritz pushed David to his left…."Plenty of room for both of us...you stay ahead of me about a foot.

The Cheetah tightened the shot gun against his shoulder as he and Fritz advanced slowly towards the junction between the under construction pipe and a cross pipe only ten yards ahead of them…

"David? Get your finger off the trigger?" Fritz asked. "We don't want an accident."

David blew a breath from his nose..." Sorry…." He said quietly as they approached the junction.

Fritz signaled with his paw…."You stay high, I'll sweep low…...on three…."

"One…...two…..."

End of part 6


	7. Chapter 7

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 7**

 **Construction site**

 **Catamaran and West Streets in Herd**

 **2:36pm Day 2**

Fritz signaled with his paw…."You stay high, I'll sweep low…...on three…."

"One…...two…...THREE!"

David rounded the bend high and standing while Fritz rounded low and crouching….

And the Mountain Yak smoking a glass pot pipe almost pee'd himself when he looked into the barrels of the guns pointing at him….

"WOE! DUDES! CHILL MAN! CHILL! I SURRENDER! I SURRENDER LIKE YOU KNOW….CRAZY!"

Fritz groaned as he lowered his gun..."It's not illegal? But being in a construction site smoking is."

"I'm sorry bout this man but the wife she major freaks over it. I got a bad hip so this kinda takes my edge off you know?" The yak replied. "Why are you guys down here anyway?"

David smirked. "It definitely did not come through here. He's alive."

Suddenly the sound of muffled gun shots bounced through the pipe! "DAMN!" Fritz snarled as he took off back down the tube with David chasing him….

"BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!" Three loud blasts made the air vibrate as the two cats cleared the pipe opening and sprinted for the gate that had been covered by John Merkhorn, Nick Wilde and Judy Hopps. They saw officer Fangmeyer to their left bounding over the concrete pipes and sliding to slamming stop against the corner of the wooden fence near the gate…

"DAMN! THAT BASTARD'S HUGE!" Fangmeyer snapped as he leveled his shot gun and started to walk into the street…

As David and Fritz rounded their corner of the gate, they saw a police cruiser rolled into a crumpled wreck and John Merkhorn rubbing his head as he sat by his own dented car…

Fritz bolted for the rolled cruiser and slid to a crawl…."WILDE?! HOPPS!" He cried out. He saw Nick on his back with his tail flopped between his legs…

"NICK?!" Fritz called out. "Nick?"

Nick flashed a waving thumb behind his tail and the protests of Judy under him were a relief….

"NICK!" Judy shouted. "Get….your…...fat tail butt off my face!"

"Just for that?" Nick replied….and then he farted.

"UGH! You disgusting…..son of a….." Judy fought to get herself from under Nick and crawled to the window of the cruiser that wasn't broken...till she pulled a spring punch and shattered it."

"GASP!" Judy breathed as she crawled out…."You!" She snapped at Fritz. "I take back all the thousand insults I've been calling you….Son of a brier crop of hell that thing? was…..enormous!"

Nick crawled out and sat on the pavement..."I got off three shots before I jumped back into the car and the thing rolled like a messed up tumbler machine at "Six Ferrets"."

David rubbed Nick's shoulder. "You ok?"

"Oh yeah…." Nick replied. "Marking yourself silly while a big monster snake is trying to kill you is just an awesome activity."

John Merkhorn came up with something in his hands. "Obviously the thing's not afraid of us big ton beasts...it tried to bite me! I punch the silly slinky right in the kisser, broke a fang right out of his fat skull!"

Fritz looked at the tooth. "Surprised you didn't break the skull with that punch. Did you get a good look at it?"

"Up close and personal." John replied. "Damn….let me get my ticket book and I'll try to do a quick sketch."

Fangmeyer came up with his phone in his paw..."I popped off three bang rounds, wasted two rounds and tried a tracker round but I don't think I scored on it." He then called out Anderson..."Andy? Did you catch that thing on the drone?"

"As much as it would catch with it doing "mach plaid" down the street." Anderson replied. "It went down West for two blocks and "poof"…..gone."

John Merkhorn pulled his radio mic from his belt…."Benji? This is Merkhorn at Catamaran and West Streets in Herd. I need a sketch artist down here pronto, advise two additional units on my location for a circular search. One cruiser is trash, send the wrecker and a replacement for Hopps and Wilde."

Fritz stood taking pictures of the broken fang and the destroyed police cruiser as Judy came up behind him..."I'm still very upset at you about how you treated me Inspector."

"Had I not been so crass." Fritz replied. "You would have probably been killed or Nick would be dead and you'd be balling. Be honest Judy? You could not have taken that thing on and still be breathing?"

"That's not an excuse for you calling me a "prom queen"...I am going to file a report Fritz. You wouldn't take that crap from anyone would you? I won't allow someone to disrespect me….I won't allow "anyone"….even a friend to use such vulgar descriptive bunny pellets about me….are we clear? Inspector?"

"Very clear." Fritz replied. "Just as long as you understand that I'm not going to see two empty chairs at Buckies because my keeping my mouth shut cost two friends I care deeply about?…..their lives. Now lieutenant….Am I dismissed Mam?"

Judy sighed..."You are so impossible at times Fritz. One day you'll smart mouth to Francine or Cindy Serbal-cat and they won't go to "HR", they'll just pound your face in."

Fritz turned around and waved as he walked off…."Insults pass Lieutenant. Empty chairs don't. We'll need another one next time for my partner? Maybe he can shake Cindy out of her ice block."

Nick walked up with a coffee cup in his hand. "Well? I did save my huckleberry Mocha?"

Judy swatted the cup with her paw…."Oops….I tripped."

"Hey!" Nick snapped as he chased after her. "I'm gonna file a complaint with HR against you for assaulting my coffee. You don't EVER assault a fur's coffee."

David and Fritz were walking towards their car when David suddenly stopped tapping his foot..."Fritz? Something isn't right at all here."

Fritz turned around. "What's up?"

"Explain to me how….if this snake is as big as they just described? How does a snake "that big" go through a room, whacks four March Hares and exits without leaving a huge calling card?" David said as he stood frowning.

Fritz shook a paw finger at his partner…."You?….Now that's exactly why I requested you! Damn…."

"There's more than one." David snorted. "This was a sucker play."

Fritz stood drumming his foot…."Pick up Benjamin?"

"Sargent Clawhauser?" Clawhauser's voice sounded over the phone.

"Benji? Get me Chief Bogo? It's Fritz." Fritz replied as he plopped the busted snake fang into an evidence bagee..."Chief? It's detective Catz, homicide. I'm at the incident at Catamaran and West Streets in Herd."

"I just got the call from Officer Merkhorn." Bogo replied in his deep booming voice. "So our suspect in all these killings as of late is a snake?"

"We're not sure. My partner David Sweet just made an observation. This thing could not have done all the killings and I think we just got "goosed" (goose chase) in an opposite direction. We need to send officers to cover the "Ten-pin Jacks" bowling alley in Savana Central. The Three Dunes bar and casino in South Sahara Square and the "Ace Duce" Car wreckers lot in Downtown in Troop near Pack and Merkle Ave. Just a hunch."

Bogo replied. "I'll try to get officers to cover…..hold on….."

The sound of someone coming into the Chief's office and loudly hitting the door against the wall wasn't always a good indication of something normal….

"Inspector? Too late for the "Ace Duce", you better get there right away. We just got a call that the place was hit. Officer Francine is already there. No I.D. on a suspect."

Fritz put the mic down and cursed…."Beautiful sucker play. We are definitely working against a team."

"No doubt." David replied. "The accomplice must be a smaller snake...or a reptile. My bets on a Komodo. What's at the Ace Duce any way?"

Fritz replied. "Well that is the hub for the weasel gang called the "El Rukens" They mostly deal in accident fraud, narco-pushing, illegal booze and check fraud. We just sent their leader "Salt Shake-kur" to the slammer for a ten year on a weapons violation."

 **3:46pm day 2**

 **Ace Duce" Car wreckers lot**

 **Downtown in Troop near Pack and Merkle Ave.**

Fritz and David left their car and walked through the lot fence to find Francine guarding the door to the garage with an assault shot gun while her partner, officer Louis Rhinowitz (Rhino) was taping up the crime scene.

"We got suckered and sidelined Franny." Fritz said as he walked up. "How many?"

"Nine." Francine replied. "There was one survivor...our mutual friend Duke Weaselton is sitting in my car. Both his brothers are in there..."

Fritz patted David on the shoulder. "I'll handle Weaselton. You start processing the scene. Obviously all we need from the ZBI right now is exactly what kind of snakes we're dealing with here."

Duke walked over to Francine's cruiser where Duke Weaselton was huddled in the back with his head tucked into his arms and knees. Fritz slipped into the car and sat in the driver's seat…

"Duke? I'm homicide inspector Catz. I know this is difficult right now but anything you can tell me about what you saw could be a big help..."

Duke didn't say anything back...he was obviously scared out of his fur by whatever set upon the gang.

"Come on Duke. Help us out so we can give you some pay back. How old were your brothers?"

Duke nuzzled his head into his arms and sniffled…."They were from my mom's second litter...they were just pups man! I mean they were like 14 and 15 and all they did there was detail cars, I swear man! They just did art work!"

Fritz reached out and grabbed Duke's wrist…."Don't go all to pieces on me Duke. What did you see? How big was it? Was it a snake?"

"Snake?" Duke replied. "A fricken nightmare it was man...it had this hood that popped open from behind the head like a digger's spade...the eyes went crazy red and WHAM! No one had a chance for a knife or a gun….that thing ripped little Pepei in half like a piece of paper dude! Fur-uck me!"

Fritz grabbed the radio mic off his belt. "David? We got somewhat of a description off of Weaselton, give me a few more minutes but send an initial to Benji back at "HQ"….a cobra."

"Cobra?" David replied. "Sure thing."

Fritz offered a cloth handkerchief so Weaselton could blow his nose and clean his face. "What was it Duke? Male? Female? Did it just strike without warning? Did it just charge in and attack?"

Duke sighed…."No man….it came in as if nothing was up. Had this knock out voice even with the tongue...ugh that fricken thing gave me the hives. It was a chick, seriously wicked vocals and it released some kind of scent...the only reason I wasn't affected is I was checking out the detailing inside this car. Weasels were going nuts...stripping off their clothes, it was matting season gone bozo crazy and then "THWACK!" She was whacking through them like a steak knife from hell."

Duke flopped back onto his back…."UGH! I couldn't move man! I had a gun! I couldn't do anything but pee myself silly! When I finally got up and the bitch had gone? Damn…..damn…..."

Fritz pulled out a note book. "Tell me what you can? Help us nail her?"

 **4:35pm day 2**

 **Ace Duce" Car wreckers lot**

 **Downtown in Troop near Pack and Merkle Ave.**

"That's the description we have Benji, at least of the smaller of the two if it's just two and not more." Fritz said as David stowed the homicide kit and evidence bags in the trunk of the car.

"Got it." Ben Clawhauser replied. "Fritz? Did you really call Judy Hopps a Prom Queen?"

Fritz replied. "How did you find out?"

"I get all initial reports for distribution and filing." Ben replied. "That wasn't nice at all Fritz, she gets on me all the time for slipping up and regarding her as "cute". You should consider a sorry gift the next time we all meet at Buckies. I'll hold this report till then but if you refuse? I'm sending it in with my own comments. That was just wrong."

Fritz sighed..."Benji? She's is who she is….would you rather attend a Buckies or a funeral?"

"Well dang it you "silly simp" there were better ways to address her than "Prom Queen" you know? Just….give her a sorry gift and this file can go in the trash for gosh sakes...allow a little punch to your honor once in a while for universal peace and happiness please?"

David smirked at Fritz..."One thing you can say for Lieutenant Hopps? She keeps her word."

Fritz patted the car roof..."Alright...I will buy her a very nice gift before our Buckies night...I promise Benji."

"Good for you." Ben replied. "Clawhauser out."

Fritz got into the driver's seat and wrote in his note book before starting the car. "We still have to eliminate our theories about who's behind all these "whackings" if it's just these two snakes or hits by the syndicates in a turf war. Our next stop is in Tundra Town after we drop off the evidence from this incident."

David cocked his face to the side..."Mister Big?"

"Good guess." Fritz replied. "You have such amazing intuition."

"I get it from my mother. Years of training being on a child leash hunting bargains at Wilder-beast Mart." David replied. "But what will he tell us? Like we can trust any of these crooks to tell the honest truth?"

Fritz replied. "You just need to know how to stretch em like taffy. Find their soft spots. Implore to their vanity. Even a shrew like Mister Big can be tweaked with the right words."

 **5:19 pm day 2**

 **The residence of Mister Big aka "The God Shrew" "The Shrew Father" "The Ice Mammal" "Big Daddy Shrew"**

Fritz and David arrived at the front gate where a big polar bear stood with his arms crossed…

"Do these bears ever smile?" David asked. "Even our officers don't smile. Even their laughter doesn't look like laughing. You wonder if they don't smile because of their teeth maybe? Hey! They should take lessons from you Fritz?"

"Raymond." Fritz replied. "This one has absolutely no sense of humor."

Fritz brought the car to a stop and smiled as Raymond bent down to look and sniff….

"Evening Ray." Fritz snickered. "My you are a stellar shade of white? Have you and Kevin been mutually bleaching like always?"

Raymond snatched hold of Fritz's jacket and snarled! At the same time he drew down on David with a pistol..."What do you want you little sand pissing fur bag?" Kevin snarled.

"You're paw handling a cop I'll have you know?" Fritz snorted. "Sheesh Raymond...you really need to get out more."

"What's the nature of your visit flat foot?" Raymond snorted. "The boss is in an important meeting right now and can't be disturbed."

"Oh really?" Fritz replied. "If he's in a meeting then that would make what I need to do easier. Just tell him it will only take fifteen minutes and we won't have to push a warrant for probable cause? Tell him it's about all these killings that have been happening over the past oh….48 hours and if Mister Big wants to keep silent about it then he can expect a raid and I know he doesn't want to deal with cops tromping all over his nice house?"

Raymond growled then he walked to his booth to call the house...coming back later to wag his paw in the window…."Guns….now."

David snapped back. "We're cops. Get that…."

Fritz waved a warning paw…."David? Mister Big would gain nothing by hurting us. Turn over your side arm and the shot gun please?"

David grumbled..."This is so against department regulations. Next he'll want to strip search us….grumble…."

Raymond smiled….for once a polar bear did really smile..."How did you know? Gee Catz? You have quite the clairvoyant kitten there? Get out of the car!"

After a few more minutes of un-pleasentness...David and Fritz followed Kevin and Raymond into the main house and into a large entertainment room with a small round lamp table being watched over by a group of four bears...including the obvious "Lieutenant" of Mister Big...the much larger brute with black circles around his eyes….Tall Pauley.

Fritz and David stepped between to bears to look down upon the small playing table of arctic shrews gathered for a card game...Mister Big himself playing the "house mammal" with a red cap on his head….

"So?….Detective Catz? To what do I owe this intrusion in the middle of my once a week festive gathering?"

Fritz looked at each of the other Shrews…."Ok? Victor Polanchio, Tony Scarza, Vinnie the bent tail, Joey the drift...you saved me from having to go to all their houses, thank you Mister Big."

"Stop with the horse mouth gum shoe and make with the explanation, we are busy here you know? And who's the youngster next to you, your sex kitten?"

David jumped and the polar bears whipped out pistols and revolvers..much to the laughter of Mister Big and his associates. "Hey Fritz? You need to teach your under study here how not to get himself whacked eh?"

David backed off and stood growling….

"Not like my boys were gonna shoot you officer? They just watch too many furry wood gangster films. The guns by the way are nothing but "trankies" so you won't die. I promise you on my grand children. So what about it Catz? I already know what you're gonna yak over and no...not me or any of the esteemed shew at this table are that dumb."

Fritz crossed his arms..."I dare say the words "We don't trust you." Which I will refrain from uttering. You of course will probably have an answer I should follow?"

"I do." Said Victor Pilanchio. "Someone has it out for all of us. This has nothing to do with a syndicate war. None of us at this table wants to repeat the disaster of ten years ago. All of us lost family in the great mafia wars...I lost my beloved wife, how suicidal would returning to those days be? No….it's not a Mah-fee-yah doing this...it's someone with a grudge against the La Costra Nostrals. Some one who was wronged who's family was involved with the syndicates and wants us all dead."

"Well put my brother." Mister Big replied. "You should start there Inspector Catz. In fact? I dare say you should start with your own people...like the district attorney."

Fritz shook his head. "You're making a serious charge against D.A. Maycorn Hopps Mister Big."

"I am because of his history. What? Do you think I'm trying to connect him to your prized officer Lieutenant Hopps? Nah...different side of the family. Maycorn Hopps has a history and a grudge to fill. That's where you should first look for the handler of these "slime wigglers". And trust me Detective? None of us here would use low down pieces of dirt eat scum to do "our work" there are no pussy cats among the Shrew...we deal with things "tooth to tooth"."

Mister Big then regarded David. "And you….you better stick close to Catz here and learn some things so you don't make a wrong move that will get you iced? You understand there Cheetah?"

David nodded but not happily before he followed Fritz out of the house.

End of part 7


	8. Chapter 8

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 8**

 **6:39pm**

 **Day 2**

 **Fritz and David heading for City Hall, Downtown Zootopia**

Fritz got of his smart phone. "D.A. Hopps is working late. His secretary got us some time with him."

David snorted. "And we're going to trust that circle jerk of pint sized pinstripe qualified rodents and what they tell us?"

"No." Fritz replied. "We're going to do what investigation protocol tells us to do. Eliminate every potential suspect by following all leads no matter how spurious they sound. Did you honestly think that a family as large as the Bunny Hopps were all sweet, innocent hard working farmers?"

"What's the facts?" David asked.

"About 80 years ago." Fritz said. "The Hopps family split into two sides. The traditional farmers and those who thought there was no future in farming and much more lucrative benefits could be found in "Shining" and "Oil Snakery" You had Simian Hopps and his younger brother Thaddeus. Thaddeus was the one who went into "Shine and Snakery". Well….twenty seven years ago, the "Shiner" Hopps family was having a reunion of sorts and they got hit on the orders of a new comer to the criminal scene. She went by the name Anastasia Scapine, absolutely ruthless cat. She and her gang went through that party like a scythe through wheat. She didn't wipe them all out but she mowed down enough of those bunnies to take the "Shine and Snake" trade. She moved fast, hit every one of the syndicates. Then they hit back….

David. "And her? What happened?"

Fritz pursed his lips…."You didn't see that wall rug in Mister Big's play room….did you?"

David thought…."She was a cheetah?"

"She was….till they got through with her. They flew her tail from the flagpole of the Palm Hotel as a warning. We never found the rest of her."

"But why would Mister Big finger the D.A. in all this? If he's part of the Hopps clan that got hit? That was over and done with...he'd have been a toddler when the hit went down." David asked.

Fritz thought for a moment. "Because there's always been a rumor that the other syndicates knew this hit was coming but chose to lay low thinking they could make a deal with Scapine. She was rumored to be quite seductive and persuasive...till she used it to backstab all the others. We don't know if all her cronies were killed off. What we can guess as a premier is that this is a Hopps payback for being "Brutis'd" by the other syndicates and they just chose now to go "whack a mole" With so few of them...we can't rule out anything when we obtain a lead."

 **6:50pm**

 **Day 2**

 **City Hall, Downtown Zootopia**

"Good evening. We're here to see D.A. Hopps? He should be expecting us." Fritz said to the female Ram sitting behind the secretary desk.

"One moment please?" The Secretary said as she hit her intercom. "Mister Hopps? Those detectives who scheduled the appointment are here now."

"Send them in Miss Afghan." The voice replied.

The Gray bunny with a thick tuft of white head hair was already half way across his office as Fritz entered. "Detective Catz...been a while. I've been getting e-mails from Chief Bogo regarding this current situation of ours." Hopps said as he shook Fritz's paw. "Your partner I take it?"

"Yes Sir." Fritz replied. "Transferred from Tundra traffic division. "This is David Sweet."

"Grab some chairs." Elwood Hopps said as he walked back to his desk. "You notice I'm not big on a lot of furniture other then these book shelves. Mammals who come see me think I'm some antique dealer because I prefer good old fashioned paper to the internet. It's less prone to being full of errors." Elwood said as he sat behind his desk. "So what is the nature of your visit?"

Fritz leaned forwards in his chair. "It's about this current rash of murders. How do you want me to address you Sir?"

"Just call me Elwood, detective. This is not an official meeting. So what do you have on this case?" Elwood asked.

"Well Elwood." Fritz replied. "You must understand that every lead must be followed and any information that may contain a small amount of relevance has to be resolved. We obtained some questionable information which pointed towards you and a possible connection to this situation. We're here simply to ask you some questions and put you on record not as a mammal of interest but as a way to give you some protection. At least if questions are raised about you. The fact that you gave a deposition to law enforcement would be seen in a positive light by the community...provided you refrained from trying to obstruct progress or tip the apple cart over….if you get my meaning Elwood?"

Elwood thought for a moment…."I take it these "mammals" who gave you this information are accusing me of setting these creatures upon them for some sort of great revenge?"

Fritz frowned…." Well did you Elwood?"

Elwood leaned forwards and folded his hands on his desk…." I was six inspector...I was in the kitchen with my mother when they came. She shoved me into the kitchen garbage container, put the lid on it and then promptly got shot in the head...by one of them. My mother was also 18 days pregnant….you can imagine what they did then. Don't want your enemy's children growing up right?

"Most of my family died Detective.I guess I should be bitter after all the other major Syndicates spoke of a peaceful and profitable glorious dawn to come...decided that bunnies and their babies didn't fit the syndicate concept of co-prosperity and peaceful coexistence. So yes….I would certainly feel the temptation for some long overdue payback….except...I'm not six years old any more and even at six years old I fully understood that my father was involved in a vary dangerous and illegal business. Some come up'ings were over due for years of back and forth talk a six year old can't get out of his head."

Elwood took a sip of carrot juice and smacked his lips. "So after the funerals and a few years having to hide out with my surviving Aunt and Uncle...I swore never to be involved. I became an injury case lawyer, then a district prosecutor then ran for D.A. and yes...I did grab on too Lieutenant Hopp's coat tails to cloak my past, I admit that."

David took a deep breath…."We're all law enforcement officers here and I know I'm pretty young and haven't had a lot of street time compared to other officers but I joined to do what my badge asks me to do and what authority directs me to do and I still think we should clean the city of all these organized gangs. Mister Hopps, you're still a victim...they took your family, how can you allow these thugs to keep existing?"

"Because you can never completely get rid of them officer Sweet...unless you want Zootopia to become a city with a huge concrete wall, check point block houses and a brutal police force with military power? What kind of a city will we be left with? What if we were to give the whole population the cart blanch right to execute criminals at will? Forgo trials and go back to the days of arbitrary justice? How long before innocent mammals are butchered for just giving someone the wrong look? I share your frustration...you're a young idealistic officer with a good heart but as I said before...my father knew what he was doing was wrong. My family knew what they were doing was wrong and consequences are consequences. Their murderer suffered the same fate….you live by the gun, you die by the gun...equal and fair exchange."

Elwood rolled his chair to his own computer. "I'm going to draft a legal deposition for you Inspector Catz so you'll have it on hand. I have absolutely nothing to do with these brutal killers.

Fritz nodded. "That should suffice. What about your Aunt and Uncle? Is there anything they could offer?"

"No." Elwood replied. "And knowing them? They won't want to speak about it. It's too painful."

 **7:39pm**

 **Day 2**

 **Downtown Zootopia**

David closed his note book and looked at his smart phone..."Hey? How about you come back to my place and I'll cook us some some "Frisky Fajitas" and make salmon salads?"

Fritz smiled back. "Sounds good too me. Let me call the wife."

"How do you married mammals do it?" David asked. "Long hours? Extra time? The chance that one day you may not make it home? How does your wife deal with it?"

"She has short claw nails." Fritz chuckled. "She trims them so she doesn't bite them off every time the television or radio sounds. The job of having to tell the wife of a cop that her husband was killed by a car or died in a pursuit is not the job I want. I had to do it when Yani died. The look in her face, the realization that she was suddenly a widow….I don't want that job ever again, I barely held it together after that one."

David sighed..."I haven't found her yet...my perfect mate? I'm too focused on my career to go looking."

"Take good advice." Fritz said as they drove into Savanna Central. "Don't rush into it. If she's close to you in thinking and behavior? Better yet….if she's like your mother? Bingo. My wife and my mother agree on everything down to their socks. A little "old fashioned thinking" perhaps but you honestly do have a level household...until your kittens reach their teens."

 **8:19pm**

 **Day 2**

 **David Sweet's Apartment**

 **Savanna Central**

David passed a bottle of "Merry Otter's" Pilsner beer before returning to preparing dinner while Fritz sat at the small table near the kitchenette and admired the size of the apartment…

Not a bad "Batch'er pad" at all. This is worth more than a police salary for sure."

"Yeah it is." David replied. "I came into an inheritance from my Mom which pays around fifty percent of the monthly rent. A little planning, not pigging out and I'm not doing too bad."

Fritz pulled his note book out. "Well?…..The way I see things going after the "El Rukins" got hit is that every syndicate West and South of Tundra Town will being going deeper than moles trying not to get themselves whacked. By now, old Woundwart's got that Bowling Alley of his fortified like a K'zinti battleship. But for sure the snakes are not going to go for Mister Big or any of the big Shrews because….they can't. You have the high wall that circles the town for one thing and then you have the frost line. Snakes will recoil back from that and if they don't? They'll freeze to death before they can get half a hard slithering. So what we have to figure out is? Where too next?"

David placed the plates of food on the table..."If they could hit Tundra Town? It would be a real message." David said as he studied the road maps. "What about a truck with a warmer? The underground steam pipe heating system that runs under the streets to keep buildings, sideways and the rail station free of ice?"

Fritz shook his head in amazement…."How do you do it? Why the hell were you even put in traffic to begin with?!"

"I….loved bikes and chases give me a woodie?" David joked as he chewed on a fajita. "I'm just trying to think like these perps. A good hit on a Polar Mafia stronghold with then thinking those snakes can't get to them? Have to think of the things no one expects."

Fritz took a swig of his beer and pulled out his cell phone. "The night shift crew at "First Prinkie" have the watch now so let me call the night Chief."

 **9:22pm**

 **Day 2**

 **First Precinct "First Prinky" ZPD**

 **Night Chief: Milton Zazu**

Zazu flew into his office and sat atop his perch as his aide de camp, Sargent Dan'el Boone (Daniel the Baboon from Kimba the White Lion) followed behind him…

"Night incidents of crime down 13 percent, Speeding tickets reduced by another five percent...I would say that we are on a very positive role there Dan'el. If you would? Write some citations for Officers Shelly, Kerchef, Yevone, and McSwain for our next award ceremony." Zazu said as he reached for his radio on the wall which beeped behind him…

"First Precinct, Zootopia Police Department, Milton Zazu, night shift operations chief speaking?" Zazu said "chipperly."

"Now repeat that five times fast in reverse please?" Fritz replied.

"Who ever this is? Might I remind you Sir that we do have proper…." Zazu began to say while wagging a wing…

"Chief Zazu? This is Inspector Catz from Homicide, can we cut short the regulations speech for a moment?" Fritz asked.

"Inspector? The nature of your call is?" Zazu motioned to Dan'el to start writing…

"I'm working the multiple homicide case involving two snakes. You should have been given the pass down on it?"

Zazu took the inteligence sheet from Dan'el..."I have the latest report sheet here. Go ahead please?"

Back in David's apartment, the cheetah was making faces and chocking himself close to the phone…."Ghak! Boaring! Ghak! Snob!"

"Thwack…." Fritz gave David a little slap..."Cut it out."

"Oh my gawd he can put a rhino to sleep during sex!" David snorted as he put his paws on his hips. He cringed when Catz threatened him again with another swat.

"We need to send two or four officers to the main gate of Tundra Town and establish a check point to search trucks going in and out of the district. Also alert District Four Prinky to have officers patrol the homes of Mister Big, Victor Polanchio, Tony Scarza, Vinnie the bent tail and Joey the drift. My partner believes the snakes will find a way to strike in Tundra Town to send a message. Can you assist?" Fritz asked.

David tappd his shoulder. "We should call our night shift guys and tell them we're over-lapping too." He said.

"Call Mike at the office." Fritz said as Zazu replied….

"I'll send four officers to control the traffic gate. I've told my Sargent to call Chief Smite at the fourth Precinct and let him know. Should we call these "Gentle-mammals? And I use the term loosely with a nose pin by the way..."

"I would use some digression on that." Fritz replied. "You know the P.B. Mafia….they have heavy artillery for firearms and we don't want them being skittish and they start unloading all over the neighborhood. They should just button up in some secure room and take a wait n see. My partner and I will be up there shortly." Fritz said before he hung up…

"Mike says he'll meet us at the traffic gate." David said as he reached for his food to spoon it fast into his maw…

"We're not in that big a hurry." Fritz remarked. "Slow down there eager beaver?"

"You want coffee to go?" David asked.

"Yeah….you have a travel cup?" Fritz asked.

End of part 8


	9. Chapter 9

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 9**

 **Day 2**

 **10:23pm**

 **Traffic gate to Tundra Town**

Fritz and David arrived at the gate-side parking area where their night shift counterparts Mike Stabarro (Tiger) and Kirk Cain (Chimp) were standing by their truck…

"Chief Zazu sent four officers from First Prinky." Mike said as he pointed. "I also just got a text from the ZBI lab if you didn't yet? Samaliel worked overtime and typed the snakes as….King Cobras."

"One of em ain't no King Cobra." David snorted. "That's a fricken, I dunno? "Emperor Cobra?" and he's not happy foot."

"Happy Feet." Fritz replied. "I had to sit through that theater play with my daughters and the wife…..ugh…..where was the rope?"

Kirk pointed a thumb to the gate…."What's to say they're not already in Tundra Town?"

Fritz replied. "Text from Chief Smite..."APB out for all trucks with a five ton or more capacity, specifically trucks with a conditioner unit attached. Stop and search with weapons drawn." So that covers that corner."

David pointed to the ground. "And the steam lines under the streets and sidewalks?"

"Can't be helped." Fritz replied. "We're not going "spee-lunking" in those things. Too many chances they might open up enough to allow the smaller cobra the chance to whip around and bite….

"BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!CRASH!" The sharp sounds of gunfire and the crash of a vehicle caused Fritz and the other detectives to run for the gate where a Rhino aimed steady with his Zastuba rifle while two Wolves dragged a driver from the cab of his truck….

"He was ordered to halt!" The rhino snarled. "Crazy fool….what the hell?"

The spotted Leopard was thrown down into the snow and zip tie cuffed as Mike snatched the locking handle of the truck's back door..."Let me jump clear before you guys start shooting?"

Fritz leveled his Magnum and snickered. "No...I'm going to blow your nuts to the moon Mike….Duh?"

Mike threw the lock handle and ripped the door open….to a pile of canvas bags…

"What's in the bags there Leopard?" One of the wolf officers asked as he snatched the cat by the scruff of his neck..."What was so precious that you almost threw your nine lives away for it?"

The other wolf bounded into the truck, whipped out a tactical knife and stabbed one of the sacks..."Oh….Nelly Knuckles….super nip galore!"

The wolf holding the Leopard pulled a card from his tactical vest…."I'm going to read you your rights my friend and then...if you don't want to stay a while in one of our cozy penal establishments? You can sing yourself silly ok?"

Fritz, David and Mike backed off to stand with Kirk while the gate cops processed the truck and went back to holding guard over the gate…

"What the hell?" Kirt said as he pocketed his pistol. "That was the mark of a stupid hump if I ever saw one. Trying to run a police patrol point with a truck full of Kitty Smack?"

"If we can tie it to a syndicate leader. We have the cops in place to bust the house but you know these shrews, they have layers of protection against dumb humpery." Mike snorted.

Fritz leaned back against the car and took a long look at the gate, the high wall that surrounded Tundra Town and the massive weather machines that produced the unique and localized conditions for cold weather and snow….it was then that he swore and slap a paw against the car roof…

"Mother GRRRR damn it!" Fritz snarled as he grabbed the car radio and flipped the channel setting..."Fourth Prink Dispatch! This is Inspector Catz at the main gate! The suspects believed to be attempting access into Tundra Town are definitely already inside the wall! Alert all patrols to watch the steam system access points!"

David grabbed Fritz by his shoulder. "They're inside?"

Fritz pointed to the moisture release vents along the wall tops..."They got in through the moisture production tubes from the supply system in Heat Borough Sahara….damn it, we forgot about those tubes."

Fritz waved to the Wolves…."Put that dirt bag in your cruiser and hold him here! I want to talk to him personally when I get back! Mike! Kirk! We'll take my car!"

"Which boss do you think they'll go for?!" Mike asked as he slipped into the back seat.

"Not Mister Big." Fritz replied. "My bet? Palanchio or Drift. They're not big time syndicate and they don't have the muscle Mister Big has, who would be crazy enough to take on "Big Pauley" Polar Bear?"

"Are we going to try and take them alive or do we go lethal?" David asked as he snatched his shot gun.

"We'll try to take the smaller of the two if possible. The bigger one? No damn way in hell by the description Merkhorn gave us. If it could throw a police cruiser with no problem….no use trying to persuade it to surrender. Myself and Kirk will carry lethals, you other two carry mixed rounds to deal with the smaller snake. Remember, we have to keep them from getting back into the underground steam pipe runs. If we can get them out in the cold? They're screwed."

David gestured..."Let's go to Victor Palanchio's...I'm getting those "wild hairs" again."

Fritz pursed his lips then grabbed the car mic..."Inspector 71...four of us are heading for Victor Palanchio's house, request another car with tactical weapons head there too….out."

 **12:04am**

 **Day 3**

 **Snowball Drive, Tundra Town**

 **Home of Boss Victor Palancho**

Fritz turned the street corner, cut the lights to his car and slowly approached the front gate where he noticed…..no guard.

"No one covering the gate?" Fritz said as he stopped the car..."That doesn't make me happy."

"The word was put out for all to stay in their houses wasn't it?" David asked as they all slipped from the car and stood at the wall. Fritz pulled his Magnum from it's holster and pushed the call button on the radio box…

"Victor Palanchio? This is the Zootopia Police Department, open the front gate." Fritz snarled. He waited a few seconds then repeated himself..."Victor Palanchio? This is the Zootopia Police Department, open the front gate." When no answer came back, Fritz looked at Kirk. "You have the force kit? Pick the lock."

The chimp ran back to the car, came back with a case in his hand and quickly started to work on the electronic gate lock as Fritz stood next to him with the Magnum aimed into the yard through the gate…

"What's in that damn howitzer of yours Inspector?" Kirk asked as he worked on the lock.

"High Velocity bull rounds with no wad cutters. Trust me….big bastard will feel it." Fritz replied.

"CLICK!" The fence lock snapped open and Kirk quickly un-slung and trained his MP-5 Machine gun. "Open Sezz me." The Chimp said as he walked next to Fritz with David and Mike following to their right as they walked up the long driveway…

"I can hear the house alarm inside but no one's coming out." Mike said as he walked with his pistol aimed.

"I hate my damn prick hairs." David snapped.

"Obscene partner you have Fritz." Mike remarked.

"I was talking about my spine hairs." David snickered. "My mother always told me to trust my spine hairs when they perk up…."

Suddenly...as the front door of the house came in view through the light fog and falling snow around them….the door exploded in splinters and out flew a polar bear head over feet to a bouncing landing into the snow!

"FRICK!" Kirk screamed out as he ran to the nearest tree and covered with his MP-5 "I HATE YOUR DAMN SPINE HAIRS TOO!"

Mike and David ran to the bear, quickly found him dead and wisely jumped to another tree to their right as noises of crashing furniture, screaming Mammals and hissing filled the air!

Fritz boldly crossed the distance between the yard and the side of the house, making it to the stone foundation just as something came crashing out through the front door and landed into the snow behind him! He turned to see a polar bear locked in a struggle with a huge snake! It's coils trying to wrap him up as the big white bruin stabbed at the monster with a polar bear sized stileto knife while screaming at it in Italian!

"YOU BIG FRICKEN PIECE OF WORM SHIT! DIE!" The bear screamed as he stuck his blade, turned it and ripped it out! "FRICKEN CLUCK SUCKING MOTHER CLUCKING BASTARD DIE!"

Fritz was in motion..."Cover my back!" He snapped to the others as he ran and slide to his knee, leveled the Magnum and cut loose a round with a deafening concussion!

"WAH-BOOM!" The fourty four barked, the recoil sending Fritz arm upwards to a 45 degree hike as the 40 grain high velocity round screamed down range, tore into the cobra and snapped the snake's upper body away as it tried to close on its' frustrating and tough opponent!

"DAMN!" The polar bear snapped as he got free of the snakes coils and scrambled to where fritz was kneeling….

"GET OUT OF THE GAWD DAMN WAY YOU STUPID IDIOT!" Fritz screamed as he leveled the cannon again and cocked the hammer! The bear dove clear as the Magnum barked again….

"WAH-BOOM!"

Another round slammed home into the front of the cobra's body! The snake falling back against the tree where David and Mike were scrambling to run clear of the impact!

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID SNAKES COULDN'T MOVE FAST IN COLD WEATHER?!" David screamed as he struggled to aim his shotgun and run on the snow covered ground. "SNOW AND CHEETAH'S DO NOT MIX!"

"I WAS A LITTLE OFF ON MY "SNAKE-A-PEDIA" OK! SHOOT THE BASTARD!" Fritz screamed back.

Two magnum rounds and the big cobra had plenty of fight. He whipped his length around, caught Mike in the chest and flipped the tiger through the air and sent him crashing into a green house without as much as a break in stride!

Kirk had quickly scrambled up his own tree, took a place on the top and fired down rounds on the fast waving hooded head but that idea quickly turned sour when the cobra whipped around and bit through the thin tapered conifer trunk and sent the chimp flying into another tree!

"I'M ALRIGHT!" Kirk snapped. "LOST MY DAMN GUN!"

Fritz and David were now in fast moving circles, their foot claws digging into the snow and dirt as they ran aiming and shooting at the big snake until it retreated back into the Palachio house!

"Dave? You alright?" Fritz asked as he caught David by the arm.

"You shot the bastard twice and it's still alive?" David asked as he re-loaded his Mossberg 500 and Fritz speed loaded his Magnum…

"Snakes have multiple hearts and lungs but I'm sure he's not feeling to froggy right now." Fritz replied. "Take point...remember, we have two of the bastards."

Mike Stabbaro limped up to Fritz and David..."Gasp…..big tail hole…."

"You alright?" David asked Mike.

"Wicked Charlie horse on the calf…."Mike replied. "Everyone's alright?"

The polar bear who survived the fight came up with his knife. "Gasp! Gasp! Give me a gun! I'm gonna crucify that worm mother clucken mock sucker!"

"You are going to do nothing but sit your happy coke a cola poster tail down!" Fritz warned with his Magnum. "This is police business now."

"My boss is in there!" The bear snapped and growled.

Fritz pointed the gun to his face. "And this "boss" says sit your happy tail down!"

The bear wisely sat on his butt. "Fricken cops."

"Always at your service." Fritz replied. Seeing a police cruiser sliding into the compound through the gate, Fritz cried out to Kirk Cain who'd just gotten himself out a tree..."TELL THEM TO COVER THE FRONT DOOR WITH ZASTUBA GUNS! LOAD SLUG ROUNDS!" He then turned to David..."Go ahead with the shot gun, we'll cover you."

David braced the weapon against his shoulder and entered the destroyed house. "Both of them have to be in here…." He said as he started to clear through the rooms on the ground floor. "IS ANYONE ALIVE?! POLICE! CRY OUT IF YOU'RE ALIVE?!"

As he entered the living room….David kicked a can at his feet and the voice of a very ticked off Italian sounding Mammal barked from it…

"WATCH WHAT YER DO'IN YOU STUPID LUG!" A squeaky voice snapped. "Cluck sucken bastard…."

Fritz picked up the can and found Victor Palanchio in a rather "disturbing" manor of dress…

"Well? Doesn't this make a sweet blackmail moment for us?" Fritz snickered as he pulled out his smart phone. "I didn't know you were into leathers there Vic-ster?"

Palanchio gave Fritz a bite on the paw for his trouble! "Ugh! You little mouse dick!" Fritz snapped as he whipped his paw about and caught Palanchio by his tail. "There! Now you might be more agreeable! Hey David? Midnight snack?"

"Screw you Fritz." David snorted.

Palanchio hung by his tail screaming at Fritz..."Where were all you cops! You were supposed to protect us! Look at my house!"

Fritz held Palanchio level to his face..."Hey stupid? Who's the one dressed in queer mode here? Mind being a little more respectful?" Fritz looked around..."I think they're already gone David.

"It ain't my fault you stupid flat foot!" Palanchio snapped as Fritz placed him on a table..."That snake whore did it with her crazy voice. You cops didn't warn us for snits about that!"

"Some information is not for the release to common thugs there Vic-ster." Fritz snorted back.

"You were use-in us a bait?! You dirty rotten pigs..." Victor snapped.

"Cats Victor? Cats and one Chimp thank you very much? Besides some of your boys? Does your wife know you…..dress like that?" Fritz asked as he pointed around the house.

"She's in the safe room you lug….please…..please don't tell her? Please? Nice cop….good kitty?" Victor pleaded.

Fritz holstered his Magnum. "I'll consider it Victor." As David walked up….

"Yup….they went back into the heating system. Big one's probably bleeding like a siv with two magnum holes torn into him." David said as he slung his shot gun over his shoulder.

"Your intuition is fantastic." Fritz replied. "How about you and I go back to the main gate and put that Leopard through the ringer?"

David smirked. "Let me have him Fritz? You know Cheetah's and Leopards are bad blood cousins. A little good cop, bad cop play is in order."

End of part 9


	10. Chapter 10

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 10**

 **1:37am**

 **Day 3**

 **Tundra Town main traffic gate**

Fritz got out of his car with the other detectives and met up with the Commander of Zootopia's "Tac-arms" unit. The Tactical Arms unit was SWAT on steroids, a group of mean and tough wild bores armed with heavier weapons, heavier body armor and a mean disposition.

"Tac-arms" took on big threats like the two Cobras now trying to escape back down the steam supply servicing conduits out of Tundra Town. Fritz met with their Chief, a long tusk bore who looked like he'd been hit a few times with a maul and chisel. "Grunty" as he was known had been in more than his share of "maw to maw" knife fights with nasty suspects.

"Morning Fritz." Grunty said with a snorty sounding voice. "I have a pair of teams sweeping up the conduits from the South but these creeps have a hundred or so places they can come out of after they get under the wall so we'll be lucky to make contact."

"My partner is going to have a little talk with the Leopard who tried to drive "smack" through the check point...see if he can give us some light. We think he was a diversion tactic." Fritz said as he saw David pushing the Leopard into a police "paddy wagon" and closed the door behind him.

The Leopard might have been a little bigger than David but you're not so big when you're in cuffs and another cat knows your soft spot. The leopard screeched as David clamped his maw on an ear and jerked it hard!

"REEEEEEOOWWWW!….STOP MAN! STOP!" The Leopard cried. David pushed him hard on his head and smirked. "You Leopards make us speed cats look stupid. So typical of you spotted fakes."

"Hey….fruck you milk puke!" The Leopard yelped. "No good house cat."

David snatched the Leopard's cuffs and jacked his arms up behind his back. "Who has the cuffs and who's who's the sand box again? Stupid gitch?" David snorted. "How about you get some brains for once there counterfeit kitty and tell me who your handler is? Who told your dumb butt to run through a check point?"

The Leopard cried…."I Don't know man! I was contracted by my local dealer! I swear!"

David slapped his "claws out" paw up between the Leopard's legs and snatched at his privates! "You better start talking you piece of cat sand pebble or I swear I will rip your "kittens" from your body and shove em down your throat! Talk you worthless cat!"

"DAVID!" Fritz screamed from the back of the police wagon..."THAT'S ENOUGH!"

David let the Leopard go and gave him a smack in the snoot…."Worthless piece of snit fake Cheetah bastard."

Fritz smacked David off the top of his head...a false display of course to gain the Leopard's trust…."You wait outside Mister! There's regulations against prisoner abuse!"

David spat at the Leopard's feet…."That's all your worth you spotted fake!"

Fritz helped the Leopard to sit on the bench inside the wagon and rubbed his shoulders…."Are you alright?" He asked the sobbing cat…

"I don't know who hired me man….I swear I don't. I was just told by my local contact to take the smack to Tundra Town. He warned me to get it through or he'd cut my hide off" The Leopard begged. "Don't let that little flucker hurt me again please?"

"I'll take care of him, I promise." Fritz replied. "What do you know? Who's your handler?"

"His names Strader...Lyle Strader. He owns this small dig called "N'Counters" in Savanna Central. He's a badger with a bad attitude man." The Leopard said as Fritz loosened the grip of the cuffs on the shivering cat and offered a blanket….

"You alright? You need anything to drink?" Fritz asked caringly.

"No...I'm good." The Leopard replied.

Fritz climbed out of the wagon and met David as he walked up with a note pad. "Grunty's bores made it to the wall...no sign of the two snakes but there's a lot of blood. You must have made a mess of the larger one."

"Doubtful." Fritz replied. "Snakes have multiple organs but he's probably a little slower." Fritz showed David his note book. "The leopard gave me this..Lyle Strader at the N'Counters bar in Savanna. You sure had that Leopard shaking."

"If I didn't get a little "Mammalist" on him, he wouldn't have talked to me or you. Our species are bad blood relatives. I learned more from getting into fights with Leopards in school than I did on patrol...trust me." David said as he looked at his watch..."Do you think we have time to catch this Strader at N'Counters? It closes at 3 am so we might catch him closing up."

"Let's at least try." Fritz replied. He turned to Mike and Kirk..."We're going to check out a lead before we go off for a while! You two good?! He shouted.

"Fine!" Mike replied with a paw wave. "We got things here for now!"

Fritz and David pulled way from the Tundra Town gate and drove onto the highway towards Savanna Central…

"Don't mind me saying?" David said as he re-arranged the loads in his shot gun. "I think I made some "Yellow" fractals in the snow back there. Damn that thing was huge."

"Yeah." Fritz replied. "Had it been anywhere else in the city? We'd be in deep snot. Not the biggest Mammal I've ever tangled with on a case."

"Elephant?" David asked.

"Nope." Fritz replied. "Whale."

"What?" David snorted. "Oh cow chips."

"No….really." Fritz said. "An honest bonifide Moby Dick. He was a sea going enforcer for Whitey Badger protecting a run of "Sugar Smack" out of rain forest to South Saharra Square. Rammed a coastal patrol boat and by his bad luck he killed an otter cop. Chased him down in a rigid speed rig, road his back by holding onto a rope. He almost took me under twice….didn't do it a third time."

David frowned his brow. "You killed him?"

"Nope..." Fritz replied. "Shot a load of red hot chili pepper into his blow hole. You can't swim very good when you're gacking and coughing."

David pursed his lips..."So all these stories about you being "Overly lethal" with the Magnum are?..."

"Stories created by my rivals to discredit me." Fritz snickered. "I've very rarely had to shoot my cannon with lethal loads but this big cobra demands it has "special attention". One thing for sure? These snakes are definitely under someone's contract and I don't think it's from any of the syndicates currently in the city. Hopefully they will all continue to behave and not make any more stupid work of us so we take whom ever is behind this mess down and down soon."

 **2:33am**

 **Day 3**

 **The N'Counters bar. Closing time**

 **Savanna Central**

The well dressed Hyena with his escort came out of the N'Counters passing by a young Cheetah who stood texting someone before moving towards the car the Hyena was going to get into…

"Thanks for the wonderful evening Mister Strader, you club rocks!" The Cheetah said happily waving.

The Hyenna regarded the young Cheetah. "I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself tonight." Strader replied….and just as quickly someone ran up to push a Magnum in his snoot…

"Thank you for the positive I.D. dirtbag." Fritz snarled as he pointed to Strader's escort. David quickly moved to kick the feet out from the wild dog and pushed him onto the ground where he quickly cuffed him…

"So what's your first name there Strader?" Fritz asked as he rifled through the Heyna's dress coat for a wallet. "Oh?….Waldo? Get this David? Mister high roller mutt here is….."Waldo:".

David laughed..."What doof names a dog...Waldo?"

"Who are you bastards? Cops?" Strader snarled.

"Yeah..." Fritz replied. "We're cops, cats and you're a dirt bag sand eating dog so what's that to do with tea and china...moron?" Fritz whipped Strader around after cuffing him…."Waldo? Damn….did your parents hate you? Waldo...you're under arrest for shipping "Smack", attempted murder, murder, assault on police officers, attempted murder of police officers…..need I continue the list there pup?"

Strader snapped..."I don't know what you cops want but my lawyer will sue the pants off of you for Mammalist insults!"

"Spare me your "PC" jargons there dirt bag." Fritz replied. "We have your driver in custody. Not a very bright guy considering he's a leopard who tried to run "Smack" across a guarded road block and you put him up to doing it. What we want to know from you Strader, and we don't think you're a dumb mammal at all, is who was your handler? Who put you up to sending this poor guy as a decoy so a hit could be done on the Shrew bosses? Who paid you the big bucks?"

"As if I would tell you anything?" Strader snorted back. "I don't know who it was? I thought the order for delivery came from one of the polar bears in Tundra Town, that was the address I got for the drop. I didn't know you cops would block the entrance gate?"

"What's your bank?" Fritz asked.

"As if you'll get anything out of asking?" Strader replied. "The transfer was probably done by encryption, the bank couldn't help you if it tried. What I can tell you is that the guy on the other end of the line was a feline, no doubt, any dog could tell you it was a cat at the other end."

"You're sure?" Fritz asked.

"Yes..." Strader replied.

Fritz turned to David..."Read him his rights. I'm going to call headquarters and get a warrant on the bank set up for tomorrow morning."

Fritz ran back to his car and snatched up the radio mic..."Headquarters, Inspector 71 Homicide calling."

"First Precinct, Desk Sargent Roofus here Inspector." The radio cracked back.

"I have need of a search warrant draft prepared for the following…." Fritz said. Suddenly a series of cracks and multiple bangs from a pistol went off behind his back!

"HOLD TRANSMISSION! SHOTS FIRED AT MY LOCATION!" Fritz yelled as he broke from his car and sprinted to Strader's car with his Magnum drawn…."DAVID! DAVID!"

The Cheetah was down on his back holding his left thigh while Strader lay motionless a few feet away….

"UGH! He got me in the leg the…...ugh! This fricken hurts!" David screetched as he gripped Fritz's jacket…."Oh you fricken…..ugh!"

"What the hell David?!" Fritz snapped as he pulled his tie off his neck. "He was in cuffs!"

"The bastard pulled a derringer from his belt and shot me in the leg Fritz...I'm sorry….I'm sorry, I unloaded on the bastard." David screeched a low meow… "Ugh, those little guns fricken hurt!"

"Don't worry about it!" Fritz said. "You were defending yourself...dumb Tail hole wiping douche….here...hold this tight while I call for back up!" Fritz ran for his car and snatched up the hand mic….

"OFFICER DOWN! OFFICER DOWN! Savana Central in Sousten. Suspect is dead! Send back up and EMT to my location at Royal and Fair streets!" Fritz ran back to the scene, secured the other suspect then sat beside David holding his hand…

"I hope it didn't cut an artery…." David said. "First time I've ever been shot and man does it suck ass. So stupid of me to take my eyes off that jerk."

"Don't torture yourself David." Fritz said as he held the Cheetah's hand. "You're not bleeding too bad so the bullet must be shallow. Derringers are suck ass guns anyway, only good for drunk mice at soccer parties."

end of part 10


	11. Chapter 11

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 11**

 **Ramhorn General Hospital**

 **Downtown Zootopia**

 **Day 3**

 **4:32am**

Fritz followed head nurse Dixy Ray (Kangaroo) into the recovery room where David sat up in a bed…

"The bullet wasn't very powerful and the penetration was shallow but we'll keep your partner here a few more hours just to make sure there are no complications." Dixy said as she checked the vitals and left Fritz alone with David.

"I'm sorry David." Fritz said as he sat down. "I failed you."

"No you didn't." David replied. "It's always standard policy for each officer to double sweep the suspect and keep an eye on his paws...I messed that up. Hey! I get a few days off, which will suck but you know what the Chief will say if I dared to disregard policy."

"Ellington's going to fry my tail for letting you get shot. Derringers are just so easy to conceal." Fritz said as he patted David's hand. "Are you going to need a ride home?"

"I already called my cousin Jordine in Rain Forest. She'll pick me up and take me back. What about Strader's bank? You still going to pull the warrant?" David asked.

"I'm going to give it a try." Fritz said. "I'm going to pick up Agent Samaliel at the ZBI office, after a quick nap, with a computer technician and see if we can back trace break the encryption drop off and pull out a location identifier. Worth a shot."

Fritz rubbed a paw over David's head. "You just sit tight, enjoy a few days off and get ready to go balls to the wall in a few days."

 **Fritz's house**

 **Day 3**

 **8am**

"Honey? Honey?" Fritz's wife Marcy asked softly as she patted his cheek..."You asked me to wake you up?"

Fritz sat up on his couch and moaned…."Coffee?"

Marcy put a big mug in her husband's paws..."How's your partner?"

"He'll be out a few days." Fritz said as he took a good gulp and shook his head..."What time is it?"

"8am." Marcy replied. "Your gun is in the safe."

Ugh...I'm sorry." Fritz said. "I forgot I was still wearing it."

Fritz snatched up his smart phone and quickly slid his finger through all the messages..."I have to meet the ZBI agent at Zootopia First and Trust at 9:30."

"Morning Daddy!" A small female kitten yelped as she ran up and almost tacked her father…

"Chrystal?!" Fritz yelped as he caught his youngest daughter on the fly and rolled her around on her back on the couch to nuzzle her into a giggle..."Daddy's getting to old to catch you!"

"Do you have to work? You promised we'd go to the amusement park a month ago remember?" Chrystal frowned.

"Sugars….don't blame Daddy. I always keep my promises to you don't I? After this case, I'll take a week off and you and I will have all the daddy/kitten time you want….alright? Who's my little num nums?" Fritz kissed his daughter and walked into the kitchen where he frowned at something on his smart phone for a moment before kissing his wife…

"Make it short and small Marcy? I have to roll out quick." Fritz asked.

Marcy nodded back. "Any idea as to who's doing these killings?"

"I think I'm close. Just have to look at some loose ends." Fritz thought for a moment..."Why don't you take the kits and visit your parents in the Burroughs for a few days?"

Marcy stopped cooking and leaned on the stove. "There's only one reason you would ever bring that idea up."

"No there isn't." Fritz replied. "You really haven't taken the kids to see your parents in about a year and a half. Can't keep a relationship by smart phone, Go see them?"

Marcy snickered. "I'll be looking at the fridge when I get back so don't get the idea of having a party like you did last time."

"Last time we didn't have a pair of snakes running around the city with big drippy fangs full of poison. I might need the booze to fashion a toxic poison for my trank rounds?" Fritz snickered.

"Likely excuse." Marcy snickered back.

 **9:30pm**

 **Day 3**

 **Zootopia First and Trust Bank**

 **Downtown**

Agent Samaliel (Arctic Fox) a ZBI technician (female Honey Badger) and Fritz walked into the bank and flashed their badges at the service counter…

"Inspector Catz of the ZPD. This is Agent Samaliel and Agent Prote of the ZBI and we have a warrant for an electronic audit of your deposit account transactions related to one Waldo Strader now deceased who was under the custody of the ZPD last night for the transportation and attempted distribution of high grade Cat Nip. We want to see the bank manager…..right now."

A bull elk dressed in a business suit led Fritz, Samaliel and Prote into the computer server and hardware room of the bank. "I will be able to observe what you officers are doing correct? I could care less if you were the mayor, the janitor or a crossing guard...no one is allowed to gain unobserved entry into our computer system...warrant or no warrant."

"Shouldn't take too much time Sir." Samaliel replied. "Our search is block specific going back three days by what the suspect told the arresting officers. We're going to try and violate the VPN encryption protection to determine the sending address of the broadcasting computer terminal."

As Prote began to work on hooking up her equipment, Fritz pulled Samaliel aside and showed him his smart phone…

"Ok….looks standard form to me?" Samaliel said with a shurg. Until Fritz pointed to something on the PDF file…

"That's not Doug's signature." Samaliel snorted. "I've seen plenty of his reports Fritz? That is not Doug."

Fritz groaned….."There's something else I need you to look at also?" He said as he pulled a sealed baggie from his coat pocket and put it in Samaliel's paws….

"Hmm…..a kitty Publix gift card?" Samaliel asked.

"Can you perhaps run the serial number and figure out what was bought on the card?" Fritz asked.

"Sure." Samaliel replied. "I assume this would be tied to the case at hand?"

"Call it a "guess-timation"." Fritz said as he watched Prote work on her laptop.

The honey badger set up the hacking and data collection parameters and hit the return button. "About thirty minutes." She said as she stood up and stretched her back. "I do so much work hunched over. Not very proactive to my badger spine."

"You should try a treadmill work desk." Fritz said. "Not that you need any loss of weight good lady."

Prote tapped Fritz with a claw. "Nice that you know when not to piss off a honey badger Inspector."

"Will we be able to determine a route of addresses to a point of origin?" Fritz asked Prote as she pulled a vape pen from her jacket pocket.

"Possible...not assured that it won't be a series of attempted fakes but we can overcome that trick by running the data through a Morse Computer Targeter. It takes on average three to four days for it to crack deep code encryption. You can't 100 percent cover an originator." Prote said.

Samaliel leaned against a large server tower. "Best guess then Fritz? It's not one of the syndicates doing this right?"

"No." Fritz replied. "Nor is it jilted "toots" or "toots" gone mad or a ticked off pimp. Someone wants them all dead or cause enough chaos that they all simply blame each other and take their war into the streets. They hit one of the Shrew bosses in Tundra to prove they can reach anywhere they want. I just got another text from headquarters that what remains of the El Rhukin gang just hit the chief enforcer of the West Saharra Lama gang in his car with a fire bomb. He just became a side of smoked Halal meat."

"It would seem the ZPD would have no choice but to take to the streets in body armor and heavy weapons." Samaliel said shaking his head.

"I'm going to ask Ellington to publicly appeal to the gangs to cease." Fritz replied. "At least give us a little more time before we have to resort to that kind of force. The snakes are the enemy right now, best everyone concentrate on "them" before whoever is controlling them decides a more ruthless form of personal persuasion is in order...like going after school buses."

Prote waved a paw as she stooped back onto her lap top. "Just as I thought. We'll need to run the data through the Morse Computer Targeter. Pretty good design of encryption on this transfer data send." Saving the information, Prote started to pack up her equipment and looked at the bank president. "I am finished Sir. Are you satisfied that there were no improprieties?"

The bank president replied. "Yes...Allow me to escort you all out."

The Bull Elk led the small group out of the door of the computer room and into the main lobby where his chest…..exploding in a cloud of crimson!

End of part 11


	12. Chapter 12

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 12**

 **10:40 am**

 **Day 3**

 **Zootopia First and Trust Bank**

 **Downtown**

Fritz dove behind the poor Bull Elk as he flew off his hooved feet and crashed to the floor from the impact of the machine pistol rounds that caught him in the chest!

"BITES!" The tabby snarled as he whipped out his magnum, tracked the closest bad mammal trying to get a bead, cocked the hammer and pulled the trigger…..

" **KABOOM!"**

…..A wad-less high velocity round lifted the wild dog off his feet and threw him over the service counter behind him! Fritz wheeled around to see Samaliel cringing from the bullets smacking the marble column he was crouched behind and aimed at a Cheetah charging in with his Uzi aimed….

" **KABOOM!"**

The big cat spun like a pin wheel as another HV round slammed him above his left knee cap and threw him off his feet!

"Sammy! Get off your tail and use that damn gun!" Fritz snarled. He then saw agent Prote lying on her back with her lap top bag getting torn up by bullets..."Forget shooting! Get the damn lap top! I'll draw these dirt bags off!"

Fritz pulled the hammer back on his cannon, counted to three and came out running and tracking as the surprised bad mammals froze for a second at the insane audacity of their easily perceived mark….

" **KABOOM!"**

A wild dog was turning about to unleash a shot when a net enveloping round nailed him so hard that it sent him crashing through the glass doors of the bank front!

" **Kapow! Kapow! Kapaow!Kapow! Kapow! Kapaow!"**

Three more Cheetah's and another Wild dog unleashed on Fritz…

A bullet passed through his suit jacket.

Another bullet nicked him in the left ear.

Another bullet passed through his shoulder holster.

Three bullets ripped his pant legs!

" **KABOOM!"**

An air expanding "punching" slug nailed a Cheetah in the stomach, threw him off his feet and knocked him out!

" **KABOOM!"**

A proximity concussion slug exploded next to the last wild dog and sent him slamming into a marble column.

" **KABOOM!"**

A net round separated a machine pistol from it's Cheetah owner, leaving the frustrated cat fighting and screeching over it like a ticked off house cat.

The last standing Cheetah thought a hostage might be a viable option so he snatched a female "Dic Dic" by her hair and pushed his pistol into her ear as Fritz charged up and pointed his cannon at the big cat's face….

"You're not leaving dumb ass so let her go and drop the stupid gun." Fritz snarled as he cocked his magnum. "Today there?…...dumb ass…..today."

"To hell with you!" The Cheetah snapped back. "I'm walking out here with her idiot? What are you gonna do with that stupid cannon? You pull that trigger and I'll kill miss cutie-pie here or you will….now back off you stupid kibble nibbler!"

Fritz giggled…..

"What are you laughing at you dumb domestic?!" The Cheetah snarled. "I'll whack this "Dic Dic" I swear I will whack her off! Now move!"

Fritz sighed….."You're so predictable…." He pulled his trigger and fired a nerve paralysis trank dart into the jugular of the Cheetah which dropped him to the floor.

Wrapping a caring arm around the terrified African deer, Fritz took her to an officer who just entered the bank with his pistol drawn….

"Idiots always measure a mammal by the size of his weapon." Fritz said as he gestured back to the fallen Cheetah. He looked around to see Samaliel holding agent Prote by her shoulders and ran to help….

"You ok Prote?" Fritz asked.

"What's that classic line that honey badger's don't care?" Prote replied. "I'd like to rip the jerk who came up with that meme...thank the maker for good vests." The Honey badger said as Samaliel helped her to her feet. "What about my lap top?" She asked.

"Wasted." Samaliel replied. "But I got the SD card so we're good."

Fritz snorted. "This wasn't a bank robbery. This was an attempted execution."

Samaliel looked at the body of the poor Bull Elk on the floor. "It's a murder investigation now."

Fritz nodded. "Get to work on that gift card I gave you Sammy? I need the results by 6pm. And the transaction information if you can pull out miracles?"

"I'll let my snotty little brother have a crack at it." Samaliel replied.

"The maker help us." Fritz said as he pulled out his cell phone and dialed it…

"Benji?" Fritz said to Clawhauser. "Put me on with the Chief? I need to discuss some things with him. And put it on the crypto line if you would please?"

 **4pm**

 **Day 3**

 **David Sweet's Apartment**

 **Savanna Central**

The door bell rang and David felt Fritz push a manila folder into his chest as he walked in. "Did you think you could sit on your hump as you please?"

David watched as Fritz walked to the fridge and pulled a bottle of beer out. "Well…..come in?" David said smirking. "Raid my fridge, have a beer, at least say something nice like "How are you feeling David? Are you in any pain? Can I provide you with a hooker?"

Fritz tipped his beer. "Here's to getting a free vacation you "sluggy mitch"."

David pulled the papers from the folder..."I heard about the Bank shooting. Was it a robbery?"

Fritz shook his head..."Oh no...it was a definite "hit" attempt on us." Fritz said with a snort. "The bastards got lucky too...trash our laptop with all the data we grabbed and killed the bank president. Some one really has it out for the Syndicates. We know that clearly now."

David read the police draft of the bank robbery..."Wild dogs and… Cheetahs?"

Fritz nodded. "Makes the outcome sort of obvious doesn't it?"

"Anastasia Scapine?" David asked.

"Not her…." Fritz replied. "One of her henchmen, perhaps an understudy who finally decided to graduate from grade school. Here's something else I found."

Fritz handed David the gift card. "From a Publix store here in downtown. We're working to trace it back to whoever bought it originally." Fritz yawned and shoot his head. "Damn...I'm lagging bad. I need some coffee."

"I'll make it." David said as he pointed to the table by the small kitchenette. Take a seat so we can go over all this stuff. I'm sick of sitting on my ass watching "dogs hump four point oh".

"Wow…." Fritz snickered. "That's T.M.I. David."

David started to fill the coffee maker with water when an audible "click" came from behind his back…. The click of a revolver hammer being retracted….

"Put the pot down…..slowly David. I got lethals in this thing and you'll make a disgusting mess at this range." Fritz said as he aimed the magnum at David's head.

The Cheetah slowly placed the pot down on the counter…"You're making a big mistake "Dirty Hairy". A big fricken mistake."

"You're the one who's been making the dumb mistakes kid." Fritz said calmly. "Did you think I'd just walk through your police record like some typical file clerk? You must think Sargent Clawhauser's just a fat dumb cheetah who watches Gazelle all day long with a silly look on his face. Nice thing about presentation David? Often it's all for show. Clawhauser knew all about your Uncle's "rap" history which led him to digging into things more than he usually does. He's not known for being able to do more than two things at once but for you? He made an exception. So is that old Sahara sand crawler in charge of this or what?"

Fritz snatched David by his scruff, twisted it and put the Cheetah on his knees with a screech!

"Strike two was your own apartment. You suck at sanitation, seems you forgot the picture of your mother in your bedroom. She had three black spots on her forehead that looked like black roses? Like the three black roses Anastasia Scapine had on her head…when it was found giving oral sex to a flagpole. Then your face betrayed you when you saw her pelt hanging like a football trophy in Mister Big's pool room. You really need to know when not to swear in silence David? I'm good at reading lips."

Fritz pulled out a set of hand cuffs and slapped them on David's wrists. "Then there's the odd coincidence that as we'd be checking in on your wire transaction at that bank? A bunch of idiots try to fake a robbery to kill me and two ZBI agents. That was "class A" stupid of you."

Fritz snatched the Publix gift card off the kitchen counter. "And this card? Should have ditched it kid. Didn't take us long to trace it back to your own debit card and bank account. It's the gift card you used to buy extra prepared moisturized meat product. Easy for snakes to consume."

Fritz pushed David onto his stomach and casually poured himself a coffee. "So my question to you kid? Why? And of course….I almost forgot….the fake autopsy report on Strader, the fake EMT response…..guess he's a walking zombie?"

Fritz knelt down, snatched David's upper lip and twisted it till the Cheetah screamed….

"What want to know kid? Why? Why are you threatening to push the syndicates into open war? Is it revenge? Is it to do what mommy couldn't do? Are you itching to become "P.A.1" of all Zootopia? What is it kid? My inquiring mind deserves to know since you lied to me and used me? I just fricken hate little weasel dick'd bastards who use me like a snot rag."

Things went quiet.

"David?" Fritz snapped as he thumped David off the head. "David? What's your answer? At least stick up for your actions kid."

Fritz rolled David onto his back and watched the Cheetah snarl at him. "You do have something to say…..don't you David?" Fritz asked.

"You're such a damn disappointment Fritz." David snapped. "I thought you had more brains. I thought you'd understand. Sad that I might have to kill a mammal I actually had great respect for."

Fritz snorted back. "Save it for the judge kid. Shouldn't take too long to round up…."

A crash behind his back caught Fritz too late to whip his magnum around. The last thing he saw was the open maw of the smaller king cobra as it aimed its' fangs at his throat….."

"Damn." Fritz thought to himself as he lost consciousness.

End of part 12


	13. Chapter 13

**Zootopia**

 _ **DIRTY HAIRY**_

By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions

(c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions

(c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

 **Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.**

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

 **PART 13**

 **Time: Unknown**

 **Day: Unknown**

 **Location: Unknown**

 **Situation: Yup…..flucked.**

"Flucked" was at least the first word that came to Fritz's mind as he felt the cooling mist of water hitting him in the face from a plastic bottle sprayer. He knew his hands were bound...not cuffed but bound with rope...and that he was in a reasonably comfortable chair. He opened his eyes just a little to get the immediate picture of things. The two cobra were present, a smaller one and the larger one both coiled up and obviously sleeping or lounging about. David was standing with the water bottle in one paw while patted Fritz over the head with the other…

"You feeling alright?" David asked Fritz.

"Oh yeah…." Fritz replied. "Yeah….I feel just fine being tied to a chair there scrotum sack. How you feeling?"

Fritz looked at the smaller cobra..."Not poisonous?"

"Oh she is, trust me." David replied. "But she's been modified with split sacks, one where she produces the venom and the other loaded by us as we need."

Fritz snorted. "You still have nice manors for a tail hole hair clinging little pain in the rump."

David snatched a chair and sat before Fritz with the chair back on his chest..."I don't hate you Fritz and I really don't want to kill you. I was hoping you'd catch on and be understanding. I need you as an ally not an enemy."

Fritz snapped back. "Fluck you and fluck your bitch mother too."

David nodded. "I agree….not about me but my mother. She was a dumb bitch who got what she asked for. A dumb bitch who left a two year old cub to pursue an illusion of grandeur and deprived me of a childhood. Fluck that rat tailed cunt."

Fritz was surprised..."Almost convincing."

David back pawed Fritz off his snoot and stood with tears in his eyes..."Does THIS convince you ENOUGH?!"

"So….you not trying to follow your mother?" Fritz asked.

"I said…..fluck that damned cunt." David snorted. "No...I have no desire to be like her or try to create some sham of an empire or become public enemy number one." The cheetah turned and gestured to someone who came into the view from the shadows…

It was the District Attorney, Elwood Hopps. "Hello Inspector."

"No Fritz." David said as he stood crossing his arms. "I don't want what my mother tried to build, that got her killed. Same for Elwood, crime turned us into orphans. Our parents turned us into orphans. The damn syndicates have been filling the orphanages in Zootopia with the dispossessed children of innocent and guilty mammals for far too long. It's way over time to end the rinky dink, bull hockey puck fooling around and bring a lasting peace from crime to our city. The days of trying to prop up this illusion of false equilibrium is over. The age of the Lacostra Snarlostra is over."

Fritz looked at Elwood and frowned. "What about all that stuff you spouted in your office Mister District Attorney? About holding up a balance? That getting rid of organized crime completely is just an illusion? That if the syndicates were to vanish, things would get far worse? How can you believe that your words won't become a reality we all will wish wasn't true after the first street to street fighting over inches of empty turf? There's plenty of uncaring little snots who want to fill the void you jokers would create."

"Except my dear Inspector." Elwood snorted. "We have the enforcement tools in place to make sure that doesn't happen. Our attack on the Shrew's proves we'll have reach and if plan "A" doesn't work? There will always be a back up that will. We're going to string every damn polar bear up by his ankles and skin him alive and when we're done sending the Shrews and all their low level functionaries to the cooking pot? Every syndicate gangster and pussy ass "want to be" will have two clear choices….leave or burn in hell. And when we're finished? We will have an enforced peace and our cubs and kits can grow up for once not knowing what I and David suffered."

David stood with his arms crossed..."We will begin with the criminals the citizens know...so that our actions are understood and the Mammals will cheer for us and demand that Bogo and the rotten ZPD be reformed or removed for a more effective alternative. No one will dare so much as "J Walk" for fear of paying a hefty fine. Litter the streets? Park illegally? Rob a poor working stiff or rape a cub? You'll feel the wrath and you will guard your P's and Q's."

David put his paws out…."For sakes Hairy. You should understand most of all! The craven criminals don't fear you for nothing, I see your hate of these slime balls...I know you'd love to shoot every bastard into a ditch, well we need you! Our city needs you! Think of your kittens? What kind of city should Spike grow up in? Don't you want to see him come home from school every day? Take him to the parks without having to fear who's around? See your daughters grow up without having to fear some syndicate dirt bag might cop an eye on them? See reason Fritz!"

Fritz snorted back. "The words of a snotty little dictating muck-tard. A wet behind the ears snot nosed little bitch. I would have to worry about my son possibly breaking something by mistake and have a shit nosed little bastard like you sick one of those monsters on him or better yet? You putting a bullet through his skull because he snapped back at one of your enforcers for maybe a glimpse at "kink bunny" on his cell phone. You have no idea what you propose to unleash upon the citizens you misguided little prodigal snit stain. I'll give you one last warning…It's not too late to turn away from this blind zealous crap David? We can't turn Zootopia into a concentration camp where mammals walk in fear of what they might say or what they might do that might piss off your so called "Army of justice".

Fritz snarled…."If you don't turn around right now kid? I'm going to put my foot so far up your tail hole….they'll need an oversized shoe horn to pry it loose! Here's my answer David…..

"Fluck your blind idealism and fluck you!" Fritz spat snapped in David's face. "Surrender now!"

David wiped the spit from his face and sighed..."Damn it Fritz...you just had to be broken record son a bitch."

David aimed the magnum at Fritz's face….and pulled the trigger.

What David didn't know about Fritz, and what he never bothered to look at in all the time he spent with the tabby cat, was that Fritz was "polydactilated" or six paw fingered with an extra diget tucked between Fritz's thumb and index finger. It was Fritz's secret weapon; each extra claw had been manicured and sharpened to the tensile edge of a Samurai sword. David didn't bother to make sure the bindings were secure enough so Fritz couldn't bring the hidden dew claws into play. Now while David had been spouting his pile of bull manure…...Fritz had weakened the bindings enough for what came next…

David pulled the trigger of the magnum, the hammer fell upon the shell casing in the revolver cylinder and out came…..

Confetti?

The momentary surprise worked in Fritz's favor! He leaped from the chair, punched David in the face, whipped out David's 45 pistol from his own shoulder holster, slammed three 45 caliber rounds down range into an eye and through the brain of the smaller cobra….killing her instantly!

Elwood Hopps tried to reach for his own hand gun only to get a flying 45 pistol hurled into his snoot where it broke his nose, busted some teeth and gave Fritz enough time to track, aim and shoot a pair of lethals into Elwood's chest, sending the rabbit flying off his feet and onto the floor!

The larger Cobra reared up and came flying towards Fritz for a killing strike only to catch David in it's jaws as Fritz snatched the Cheetah up and chucked him into the snakes open maw! The hesitation of the large serpent with its' benefactor laying in its' jaws was bad for the snake….good for Fritz. Three four four high velocity rounds tore the Cobra's head apart and it flopped to the floor in a bloody mess!

David however was still in the fight and now he was scrambling across the floor to snatch the pistol Elwood had dropped, only to come up face to face with Fritz's magnum pointed at his nose….

"Don't play me David….you may be a cheetah? But you're not fast enough against a bullet." Fritz snarled. "I hope you're not going to think I'm empty? Please tell me kid you're not going to be that stupid?"

David hesitated….before slacking and sitting back on his rump with a hate filled look on his face. "You're all scum Fritz. You, Bogo, the whole damn police force, the politicians….you're all cowardly scum. You all have innocent blood and crying children on your hands."

"Better than a dictatorship." Fritz replied. "You have noble goals David, just wrong execution. Maybe some day you'll understand."

Fritz turned his back to walk away and he heard David rustling as if going for another weapon…

"You really are a dumb bastard aren't you?" Fritz snarled as he whirled his magnum around and the weapon barked!

 **15 Minutes later…**

Lieutenant Judy Hopps walked up to Fritz as he stood writing in his notebook so he would have the details to write in his follow up police report at the station…

"I've decided not report you." Judy said to Fritz regarding the incident where he insulted her. "You were right...Nick and I would probably have been killed if I decided to play cowboy back there."

"Told you I don't lose friends easy." Fritz replied. "It's nothing Judy, I still value you and Nick very much."

"Too bad about your partner." Judy gestured. "He just had to tempt you didn't he?"

"Misguided ventures often end poorly." Fritz said as he looked over to where Nick was trying to figure out how best to handle the crying, screaming cheetah who was nipping at his own fur coat like crazy.

"Those fleas can be really nasty Nick! I wouldn't go near him without some Advantage and a flea collar if I were you!" Fritz yelped.

Judy snickered at him. "Fritz? Has anyone told you that you are a super tremendous tail hole wipe?"

"Yeah…..my oldest daughter when I confiscate her cell phone and some times my wife when I don't change my son's diaper." Fritz smirked. "I refuse to do diapers."

Judy chuckled. "I thought that was why you got the nick name "Dirty Hairy"?

"I will not discuss that case…." Fritz snorted. "It's still classified."

 **The end**


End file.
